Inside Kimmy’s Mind

It is impossible for me to “live a little.” I mean what does that even mean really? I am living.

Ok so I’m not exactly living an exciting life. Let me rephrase that. I am not exactly living an exciting SOCIAL life. But life in general is pretty awesome. So I don’t party on the weekends with a bunch of friends. I mean since graduating, I have only a few friends that I still talk to on a day to day basis. I mean excluding my sisters, because well it would be sad if they didn’t talk to me. (Speaking of sisters: Mija hasn’t talked to me in like a week? -.- If I’m not mistaken. Much love. )

PEOPLE I TALK TO THE MOST

1. Missy-Because she is my amazing wife!
2. Ty-Because talking to him is just so easy.
3. Jayson- I love getting txts and calls from him. He makes me smile.

There are a few others that I talk to every now and then. But its not as much as these three. But anyway, just cause I don’t ever do anything out of my comfort zone doesn’t mean I’m unhappy with my life. I mean once in awhile I wish I could just be spontaneous and just go with the flow. Not worry about the consequences and just live in the moment. But I’ve lived my life a certain way, the same way for the past 20 yrs. How can you change something you’ve done for your whole life? And we are talking about me so that’s even harder to do than for a normal person. Because lets face it, I am not normal. I wish I could do what I wanted. I want to go on a road trip with friends. I want to move out of my parents house. I want to just feel like I’m moving forward and not settling or staying stuck. I want to live a life not just coast on by.

Nataly Dawn-Cover OK GO:Do what you want

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I love Nataly Dawn, she is so talented. I love the versions of songs she does compared to the originals. She is also in Pomplamoose a duo with Zack Conte. I love them both they just make me smile. And their editing skills are just so amazing along with their musical skills. Damn I love their videos.

Some self loving is in order. I visited my sister during spring break, and she took us to Buffalo Exchange and Taxi Taxi. (I love those stores) Anyway I bought the blue shirt I’m wearing in this picture below. I love it! See I like how I look sometimes. And I think I dress nice, even if I have a lot of unnecessary layers. But oh well its a security thing. I also got the most amazing bag by Fred Perry. I love these bags, I think they are so cute. Mija said they were ugly but I don’t.

I need to blog more, its sad that I have been neglecting you blog. Oh but I posted a vlog last week.

Now I know Valentines is the day couples celebrate their relationship and express their love for one another. A horrible time for those of us without a significant other. WRONG! Not this year. Gala Darling

It is completely and 100% OK that I am not in a romantic relationship at this time. I’m not a typical girl so even if I was in a relationship, simple from the heart gestures are whats best. A home made card for instance, is just one of the best gifts. That or a notebook of some sort, because I can never have too many journals. Anyway, here are bits of the assignments Gala assigned. I only put some of the questions on here the rest are in my bible. But you know what is driving me crazy? The fact that whenever I tweet about Radical self love using the hashtag #radicalselflove I do NOT show up in the #radicalselflove tweet page. Its rather frustrating. I’m not sure why my account isn’t working and the twitter people aren’t exactly helping me with the problem. >_< I wish they would just fix it. Be calm. And just let it go Kim. :3 On to some of the questions.

RADICAL SELF-LOVE Q’S

What does RADICAL SELF LOVE mean to you? I think that its an opportunity for me to see myself differently. Not just be so consumed with worrying about the negative side of things. I have tons of things to be positive about, and I should focus on those things more often. I spend too much time focusing on the things that I dislike about myself. RADICAL SELF-LOVE is just a positive project that I look forward to doing, even after the month is over.

Which qualities or attributes would you like to bring into your own life via the application of RADICAL SELF LOVE? I want to be more positive. I want to wake up and feel like I can do anything and everything. I’m not saying I don’t have anything to look forward to, because I do. I just want to be able to wake up and not pin point all my faults. I want to be able to look on the brighter side of things after something terrible happens. Angry out bursts don’t exactly solve my problems so why not just see the silver lining? I want to be able to do that. I am incredibly lucky, I love being me on the inside and I have great friends and a terrific family. I just want to be able to keep that in mind.

What beliefs do you currently hold that are stifling your regular expression of RADICAL SELF LOVE? Self doubt. I doubt myself way too much.  Which leads to the next question.

Are the people & activities in your life HELPING or HINDERING you in your quest for RADICAL SELF LOVE? Would you be better off without them? The only person hindering me from RADICAL SELF LOVE  is myself. I am surrounded by people that are just so caring and supportive. When someone compliments me I really have no idea what to say. I mean of course I say thank you. But if they keep on complimenting I feel like I need to express my opinion. Which is exactly the opposite of what they are telling me. It’s that I want to just keep hearing their kind words as if I were fishing for compliments. I just don’t see myself as they do.

Which brings me to the essay question. Wow this question transitions into the next one as well.

Essay Question: Why do you treat your best friend better than you treat yourself? I can see all the things my BF can’t see about herself. She is truly one of the most beautiful and amazing people I have ever met. I think its sort of like wearing a blind fold when it comes to ourselves. We can’t see the things that make us great, but when it comes to others the blind fold slips and we can see perfectly. We find, what our friends see as flaws as just something else to love about them. If only we could see ourselves in the same light.

In what ways can you behave more like you’re your own best friend? I would never be able to be as amazing and selfless as she is. But the best way for me to be more like her is to be more understanding and less judgmental. She never judges me. She accepts me and loves me for who I am as a person. And she sees me the same way I see her. A wonderful person.  I’m so glad that I have her as a best friend she makes my day brighter.

Everyone has their issues with themselves, whether is appearance or personality wise.

The point is that instead of focusing on what makes us unique and amazing we spend our time wishing we could change what we dislike about ourselves. Well I am no different. I complain and put myself down all the time. But I should look at what I like about myself some times. Because I am happy being me, I just need to…work on a few things.

GalaDarling has declared this Radical Self-Love month. And I will attempt in following through with the project as well. I’ve already completed the first two assignments, one was to find a note book of some sort to jot down ideas and future assignments. And I’ve found a totem to remind me of this project throughout my day. It was supposed to be something I see often, so I’ve chosen the phone strap given to me by my friend Cate. Its in the shape of a heart and I stare at it all the time so it seemed fitting. I also have this necklace that I wear all the time to replace one that I no longer wear. So this one will also be a reminder of the project since I wear it all the time.

Mantra: I will attempt to see myself in a brighter light. There is no reason to hate myself because I contain flaws. I will not focus on my flaws for the rest of the month and hope it carries on even after this project ends. So may the self-love project commence.

So yeah this probably what I will put on the first page of of my note book.

My main totem.