Inside Kimmy’s Mind

What if you had a device that told you the exact day and time you would meet the one…YOUR ONE?

I watched this movie, where a device like this existed. Its called TiMER and in this movie people can get timers attached to their arm to pin point the exact moment their true love enters their life. The moment you lock eyes on this person the timers go off at the same time. It is completely your choice whether or not you get a timer. But you only get once chance, if you remove the timer you cannot get it again.

I enjoyed this movie because I really like the idea of being able to know when you will meet the one you will grow old with. I mean isn’t that what everyone wants? To meet their true love? But then it got me thinking, in the movie people didn’t fall in love the “old fashion” way anymore. Couples were brought together by a device. The new wave of match making sites. The protagonist became obsessed with finding her match that it wasn’t even about love anymore. And then I changed my mind and saw it a horrible idea. I mean again it would be a choice. But what if I did choose to get one? I think I would rather fall in love when I least expect it. Just let it surprise me, even though I don’t really like surprises. Well I don’t like certain surprises. But the whole cliche lovey-dovey romance bit, I think that’s a surprise I want to experience. Just let it happen one day. Of course, besides wanting to know who that person is already; I think people hope their surprise is  one you would find in a movie. Yup a magic movie moment, something that could only happen in a cheesy romance flick. Those happen in reality too. To lucky people anyway. -.- This movie also made me think about the creative writing class I took in high school. I could have sworn that one of my peers wrote a short story like this about timers and true loves. Maybe its just me getting confused with something else.

So another movie I want to bring up is Going the Distance. So freaking cute  I loved it. Justin Long and Drew Barrymore have such great chemistry. It was so hilarious, I was constantly laughing. I recommend watching this movie if you love cutesy, pervy movies.

Song is called Fancy Footwork by Chromeo. I heard it on an episode of My life as Liz. I loved that show. Liz is so adorable.

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So yeah one more thing, I’m still adjusting to being in a new city/home/school. Oh and I’m able to chew a bit better. It doesn’t hurt like it did the first two weeks. I still can’t bite into a sandwich. -.- I have to tear my food apart which isn’t so bad. I get the bottom braces in October. Yay sooooo looking forward to hurting again. -.- Oh and one more thing I turn 21 this Saturday. Weird. O.o  Of course I have class from 1 to 3. But I might just leave before the second half of class. I mean its my birthday after all. And I shouldn’t spend it in a boring classroom. I’m heading home after class to spend my birthday with my family. YAY!

The first week of classes went well and I like most of my teachers. I’m really excited about English, we have to have a blog for the class. This class was made for me.

Mija took me to class all last week. But starting tomorrow I’m gonna have to take the bus. I already take the bus home so it shouldn’t be too difficult. UH is way different from BC, walking around campus is so exhausting and its really hot. I can’t wait for winter I’d rather freeze my ass off than sweat. And then I can wear layers and scarves and jackets. I really took living across the street from the school for granted. But its something I will get used to. I just realized my birthday is coming up in like two weeks. O.o I’m going to be 21. Weird. I feel old. -.- I don’t like it. ENJOY YOUR YOUTH!

All of my classrooms are pretty big with the exception of my English class. Psychology is in this auditorium, art history is in a recital hall, English is in a regular class room (but we use comfy chairs) and Gov. is in this room. I’ll take pictures of the other two when I can. So there are a ton of people at UH and I have a hard time making friends so I usually don’t talk unless someone talks to me first. And if you are as shy as me then you don’t really bother with people. But having friends at school would be nice. I’m actually lonely on campus. Especially on Tuesdays and Thursdays I have two classes and no one to eat lunch with. Being anti social sucks sometimes. At BC it didn’t bother me to be alone because I would just walk home. I should try to get involved in clubs or something, maybe then I could meet people and make friends. But I did meet Sarah, she is in my Psychology class and we are very similar. She also lives in my old town. And when I come home I have Mija and Jody and the cats of course. I really miss my home and family but I feel comfortable.

So Thursday I got braces. And I was worried that it would hurt a lot putting them on. But it didn’t. But now my teeth hurt a lot. It hurts to chew and sometimes it hurts to talk, and it definitely hurts to floss. I miss food. There is a bunch of things I can’t eat. Orthodontist should advertise braces as the best diet aid. -.- I won’t be able to eat a bunch of my favorite food. Basically anything crunchy or chewy. I know I’ve seen people with braces eat things they shouldn’t. But I want to take care of my braces so my time in them isn’t prolonged. A year in a half, that is it. I can do it. I just wish my teeth weren’t sore.

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This song is called Black Sheep by Metric but this audio clip is from the movie Scott Pilgrim. I love that movie.

I have a ton of reading to do for English so I should get started on that. -.- I’m sleepy already.

I am not gonna write about school, and the stress that I am feeling because of it. (Minus this first sentence that is.) So this entry is going to be part Dave McKean, Linger, and cats.

So I just finished reading Linger, the Sequel to Shiver. And again I am left with that empty feeling I get when I finish a book. And I don’t have a book to immediately start reading to fill this void. But not only do I have this empty feeling, I’m also sad because the 3rd book of this trilogy entitled Forever will not be out until July of next year. O.o WHAT? How am I supposed to wait until July? I hate having this feeling. This is the only bad thing about a book series. Its like waiting for the new season of a favorite show to return. T-T But I just remembered that the 5th book of the Immortal series is coming out on November 16th. So that makes me a bit happy. Of course I still don’t have a book to read at the moment and that annoys me. -.-

Ok next topic. Dave McKean. I have mentioned him before in my blogs, because he goes hand to hand with the great Neil Gaiman. I adore them both so much. They are my heroes, so inspiring, so absolutely amazing. They are just…amazing.  Anyway so I was at some of Dave McKean’s artwork and I really really want his tarot Cards. They are so pretty. Anyway, so I found some videos that he made and I really love this short video McKean made for Shakespeare’s Sonnet 138. It of course made me think of Mirror Mask. But this is obviously McKean’s style of art. His artwork is so magical. I really want to watch the new movie Luna. But I have no idea when it will come out because there really isn’t any information about it. Come on Dave, I really want to watch it. This movie poster sort of reminded me of the movie Pan’s Labyrinth. If you haven’t seen that movie along with Mirror Mask I highly recommend it. So go watch it…NOW. :3

So after watching McKean’s vids on youtube and being let down when I couldn’t find anything on Luna. I noticed this vid called The Cat with Hands. Neil talked about this creepy short film on his blog after someone suggested it to him. If you dislike cats in anyway then this will only make you hate them more. And maybe even fear them.  I however still love cats. :3

Today’s song is Just the way you are by Keith and Renee. I heard this song on an episode of Degrassi. lol I also couldn’t find this song anywhere. So I had to buy it off Amazon for 99 cents. >.<

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Words of advice, never trust a cat with hands.

I feel like I have a ton of things to get done. Pass math, get my license, and not to mention my ortho appointments. Because yup I’m getting braces.

Great so now I’ll have both glasses and braces. -.- I actually really love my glasses. I’ve worn them for eleven years and they are practically imprinted on my face. The only downside is that I look so weird without glasses. I never noticed how small my eyes were until I went to get my ID. They made me take my glasses off. Its horrible looking. I think of them as part of my face and hate taking them off. Now braces, scare me. I have a very low tolerance for pain. I freak out getting eye drops and that doesn’t even hurt. I have always had horrible teeth. and I had it in my head that I had the worse teeth on the planet. But guess what? They aren’t as bad as I thought. And the appointment I was even pumped up to get them. The thought of having straight teeth makes me want to cry. (happy tears of course) I just wish I could be pass the whole waiting process. And just get them already. But we have two more meetings before I can get the braces. My next appointment is July 26th at 8…A.M.! O.o A.M.? Damn.

So on my third week  of math class. So far so good I have exam 1 on Monday. But in the morning I will be in Houston talking to counselors and registering. Classes start August 23rd and my math class at B.C. end on the 18th. So no break. May was my summer vacation. -.- A month. That was it. sigh. I miss sleeping all day! But you know I am excited to be transferring. Its weird that its finally happening. I mean when I graduated I knew I wouldn’t be moving right away. But Mija and I would talk about moving in together all the time. And now its in the process of happening. I will have to make trips taking some of my stuff so I’m not moving all of my stuff  a week before classes start. I’m nervous because now I’m starting over with a new school, new people, new teachers. I hope I get good teachers that are nice. I don’t  like mean teachers. -.- And then I will be away from home. I love my home. Its going to be weird not coming home after a day of classes. A love my small town. So Kat has been in Houston for this entire week. She is planning on going to A.I. for culinary. And so my parents let her take this week long camp thingy. I haven’t talked to her really, but she updates (teases) me with pics of the dishes she has made. I also notice the video clip of me thats looping? Its a robo.to which is sort of like dailybooth but with video. I know so many sites to update. But I really like sites like this.

So I watched The Runaways. I really liked it and I always thought Joan Jett was amazing after I saw her short cameo on REPO. Also updated Mind-Speaks.

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I feel like I am stuck. Yet time just keeps moving on. It’s going by incredibly too fast for me to even catch up.Why has time changed?

Movie Spoilers

I watched the movie Veronika Decides to Die, (**based on the novel by Paul Coelho)and it made me think of happiness and sorrow and then death. The character Veronika is played by Sarah Michelle Gellar and she is unhappy with her life. So she tries to commit suicide. She wakes up in a mental institution, and is told that she has weakened her heart and that there is no surgery or treatment that can save her. They aren’t able to pinpoint her death exactly, but its likely that it she has only a matter of weeks. She is immediately angered by the fact that she has succeeded in killing herself only she must wait to actually die. She questions the shrinks, asking them why not just kill her now? They will have no part in aiding in her death. She remains stubborn throughout her stay at the institute. Determined to die on her own terms. She fails at bringing her life to an earlier grave. She as no will to live. Yet she has no interest in making the best of the time she has left.

If I was told I would die in a matter of weeks, what would I feel? What would I do? Would I give up? I see myself as a weak person at times. And part of me thinks I would just wallow in self pity imagining all the things I have yet to accomplish or fail at. Imagining instead of actually doing those things. Death is a scary thought to me. I know death is inevitable for us all. But its more dying too soon that I worry about. Dying before I have actually had a chance to live. I’ve already been alive for 20 years. That’s two decades of being on this planet and I have yet to experience life.

“These days most people have replaced almost all their emotions with fear, and everyone has dreams but only a few realize them – makes cowards of the rest of us.”-Coelho

Gellar’s character lost the will to live, as so many of us do. But she finds it. Along with romance. I think when you are in love, you feel like you matter. I mean of course you matter to your friends and family. But the romantic love you’ll share with one other person is completely different. And once she found this feeling, she doesn’t want to let it go. A line from the movie trailer,” It wasn’t until she decided to die, that Veronika found a reason to live.” To actually live life to its fullest. Of course after she finally finds that one thing that made her want to continue living which turned out to be a person, the fact that she only has limited time to spend with her new found happiness makes you sad yet happy she even found it to begin with. (I ruin movie endings so stop reading if you don’t want to know the ending.)

But this movie ends on a happy note. It ends with the doctor writing in his journal explaining that if Veronika never visits another doctor, who would tell her that she is completely healthy. She would continue living her life and cherishing each moment she has. I think everyone should live their life like that though. And not because time is running out. But because its how life should be enjoyed. Not waiting in fear for the inevitable.

** Paul Coelho vlogs and blogs. How freaking amazing is that? I love it when I find an author whose work inspires me. I love books. And I actually liked this film adaption of the novel, but I haven’t read the novel yet so I might think differently once I do read it.

Song for today- Amy Kuney: Simple Things

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One last thing the collaboration art blog that I’m starting with my sisters is up. Mija made the layout I absolutely love it. We haven’t updated with anything yet. But I’m so excited to start this project with my sisters. Ok well I think its time I go to sleep.

Goodnight/Morning

I had my first torn decision between my tumblr blog and my main blog.

I didn’t think I would have to choose between them because I have always known which blog I would use to update depending on the event. I would update my tumblr with small tidbits and my main blog with the larger events that can make me go on forever. So I had a little dilemma, which I’m sure to you might not seem like that much of a dilemma. But I am insane so naturally this makes sense to me. But because I felt this way, I solved my own dilemma without really doing anything but updating my blog. Well as you can see I chose my main blog. Meaning this involved something more than a quick description and a photo.

Mija bought me a NDS game to call my very own. Until now I have been playing whatever games Kat had. Which reminds me I missed a BrainAge today. Damn And I was doing so well too. I was keeping up with it and because I got so distracted by my new toy I forgot about it. -_- My new game is a classic. Are you familiar with Bust-A-Move? AKA Puzzle Bobble. Well the one I played growing up was Bust-A-Move ’99 on Nintendo 64.

But now I have the chance to play Space Bust-A-Move on NDS. I am extremely happy that this is my first DS game. Because not only is it challenging but once you do manage to beat it you can still play it over and over again. I love this game. So anyway, mom decided she wanted to use keep Kat’s original Ds, so we found the arcade game classic combo pack for DS. Her favorite game is none other than PAC-MAN. Who doesn’t like PAC-MAN? I mean its amazing. lol So she was playing that while I was playing BAM and Mija was playing this game called Theresia. Which is this scary game that should entertain Mija for quite some time. All three of us were being nerds and playing with a hand held gaming device. Good times.

Besides being a nerd and playing video games and instead of studying I went to see The Princess and The Frog. Oh it was so adorable and funny. The animation was so pretty and the songs were so catchy and cute. It was just a movie worth watching. I’m glad Disney can still make the animations that made the name Disney famous in the first place. I can’t wait until this movie comes out on DVD. The theater was filled with children and laughter. I noticed that its been awhile since I’ve seen a children’s movie at the theaters. And I’m not really a kid person but hearing the kids laugh just made me laugh even more. I guess kids have the ability to be somewhat cute. Minus the crying babies. Who brings a baby to the theater? If its the type of baby that sleeps a lot then ok. But if its the toddler kind that cries every few seconds then do not bring him/her to a movie theater. There were a few crying babies at the theater. Annoying little things.  Ok well its 5:33 am and I just wanted to update about my new DS game because I was so excited. But later today I must spend my time studying for my math final because I didn’t study at all on Saturday. *Bust-A-Move*

Ok  good night/morning. Hopefully I can study for this stupid math final and I hope I pass math class. I can’t afford to fail this class. Please please let me pass this class. >_<

At this exact moment I am watching the show Lie to Me and I can’t help but wish I was able to tell when others were lying by hand movements and facial expressions. That would be nice.

I am in a little predicament. I have a test later today in Web Design. I haven’t studied. At all. I also have a painting due tomorrow before my test. And now what am I doing at the moment? Well Lie to Me just finished, and I am updating my blog now stopping every now and then to straighten my hair. -_- I really do need to learn how to use my time wisely. Because if I don’t I will keep getting myself into these situations with my classes. Bleh I mean I already stay up half the night reading so its not like I would get more sleep if I did use my time wisely. >_< But I felt like I should take time to update my blog right now because I haven’t updated a lot this month and I felt like something was missing because of it. So here I am updating about procrastinating. Among the other things I keep putting off are sending my best friend her care package. Sorry about that Missy. I keep putting it off because truth be told I haven’t quite finished stuffing it with enough things to make you smile. I mean I know I can send multiple packages at different times but I want the first package to be epically awesome. ^_^ So just know it will get to you as soon as I deem it worthy.

Ok so I am extremely pissed at the idiot that is my cousin Gabby. But she is no longer my cousin, yup I disown her as a member of my family. I no longer want anything to do with her nor do I care what happens to her in the future. I am passed caring. As children we didn’t always see each other and when we did we never got along. She was usually busy conning me out of something I owned. Thankfully, as I got older I started using the complex organ known as my brain; and when she and her family moved into my home, (after a number of years of not seeing each other) I got smart. Which is more than I can say for her. Now I’m sure you’re thinking, “Gosh what a harsh bitch.” But you see I’m not being harsh. I am merely speaking the truth. Now I am aware that it is pretty bitchy sounding but true nonetheless. Also you have no idea what type of person she is. I have updated about her before. Except in my previous entries she remained nameless. I had some common decency. However, now any sympathy I had for her is long gone. I don’t really want to get into explaining the idiocy that is Gabby so I wont. I just felt the need to vent the anger I have towards her. I am tired of being related to an idiotic narcissist. In her small not fully developed brain, lies nothing but thoughts concerning herself. Yes I know duh a person thinks of themselves often because…well we can’t help that. But when it comes to family and friends? No only Gabby herself has pain. No one else in the world exist or feels anything. I have also had it up to here with how she treats her mother. Her mother is my mom’s twin sister. And she just so happens to be my favorite Aunt. And I don’t like it when my family is being mistreated. Especially if its by another family member. (But she no longer a member of my family) Now some of you might think, (not implying that there are a ton of people that read my blog) ” Aren’t you afraid of Gabby reading this entry?” Now that thought has crossed my mind but not in fear. No I hope she does read it. So she knows not to call me or IM or any other form of communication. But of course she won’t read this entry because even though it is about her she has too many other “important” things in her life to worry about. Like moving in with an older man to live the life of luxury. You see, Gabby is still stuck with the idea that happiness is only measured by having someone to f***. (Pardon my language. Normally I would just type out the word. But some common decency remains.) So instead of helping her mother, she plans to move in with a guy she ( for all I know) barely knows. Who is in fact her rebound guy. And thinks tra la la la everything will be fine. What she doesn’t see is that people get bored easily. Most of those people happen to be men.(Knock on wood when I say this. Damn you decency) And when rebound guy gets bored he is is gonna want someone else to measure his happiness. (corny I know sorry about that) Meaning he will no longer desire her taking up space in his apartment. IT IS THE 21st CENTURY DAMMIT! Women do not require men to live a happy life. I mean yes falling in love is what most women dream about. And I’m not saying I don’t wish to find that but I’m not going to fret about it now. Plus Gabby is confusing love with sex so she doesn’t fall under the sane women category.

So here is a message to my no longer cousin Gabby: Do not talk to me. Ever. I think you are past redeeming yourself. I find your selfishness tiresome and I want nothing more to do with you. I hope moving in with your current lay is worth it. And I’m not really sorry if this hurts your feelings, but lets face it we both know my words have hurt you before. But thats when I was holding back. I know this is somewhat immature and new levels of bitchy for me. But I have held my tongue too long. Judging isn’t a good thing to do. But I am merely human and I can’t help that. I just usually kept what I thought of you to myself. Well and among a few others. I really did hope you would somehow change your perspective on life and for the love of chocolate put someone else before yourself. Because f.y.i. there are other things in your life, besides guys and sex. Which to me is all you seem to care about. This isn’t to start a high school dramatic war, it was merely my last attempt to get through to you. And the last words you will hear from me. Even though I do wish to tell you so much more in person. Only I can’t handle the thought of you let alone the sight of you. Do try to take care of your health. (Theres that decency again. Damn.)

Well I should finish my hair and my painting. I let my rant exceed its limit. And I must say I feel better. Blogging about my anger has a nice after taste. (That sounds weird.) It leaves me feeling refresh. I want to take this time to apologies to my aunt if she for some reason finds and reads this entry. I’m sorry I wrote horrible things about your daughter. But I mean every word of it. And I want you to know, I love you unconditionally and expect nothing in return.

So I had my first Jury Duty experience. And I must say I understand why it is something most adults desperately try to wiggle themselves out of having to sit through.

Yes I receive ten dollars for taking time out of my schedule to partake in. And then an additional $40 until the case is settled. But that is only if you are selected as a juror for the case. Anyway, I went int at 8:15 am and then was told to come back at 1. When I came back to the court house the judge called roll and then dismissed us explaining that all his cases were canceled. So we have fulfilled our jury duty summons. Yay! Of course I was sort of hoping to have it extended and get chosen so I could get 40 dollars. Money is the only reason I wanted to do this in the first place. (I know greedy me.) Ok I also did it because it was something new to experience. :p And although it was annoying it was interesting in some ways. Minus the part when my stomach made loud unflattering noises. Stupid nervousness. >_< Anyway, after I was fnished with Jury Duty my mom picked me up and we drove by a fabric store. I love buying new fabrics.

It’s closed on Monday’s so we decided to venture into the Antique store near the fabric store. There were so many interesting things there. First edition books, vintage cameras, (well everything was vintage) furniture, clothing, kitchenware, wall hangings, hand mirrors and brushes. I wanted the old fashion video cameras, so cool. But ironically still expensive. But I did leave with two Lady Baltimore suit cases for only $21.65. I immediately fell in love with them once I saw them. Visible wear and tear but for being made in the 40′s they are in good condition for their age. I hope I can visit the shop again it was interesting seeing things from the past. It makes me think about the people that first owned the items in the store. Like what sort of people were they? And what lives did they lead? I know I sound like a soap opera life time movie. But it makes me think about the future antique stores where they will have things from our present. Weird thought right?

Thursday and Friday were fun. I spent time with my friend Ana at Pet Smart. And then we went on an adventure to find her lost debit card and license. Silly girl left it at Pet Smart after purchasing a pet muzzle. Thankfully we retraced our steps and she was reunited with them. I also went to the movies with my friend Constance. We saw Whip It. Which was a cute movie, it made me want to try roller derby. Of course I know I wouldn’t last a second, I don’t have a tough hide to succeed in a sport like that. I would be the player on the ground with my face on the course as the other players skated either around or over me. It was basically a girl power movie, that left you with this yeah I can do anything motivation. This movie also left me with the urge to buy the book, but I have recently bought Charmed Thirds by Megan McCafferty. So I must wait until I can buy another book. I love buying books.

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Song of the day is by Modest Mouse- Dashboard.

Well I have a test to study for, and a painting to finish by Tuesday. And I am not really in the studying mood nor am I feeling artistically motivated.

For as long as I can remember I have never really taken a risk. I mean I have always been the weird kid that never ran with scissors. But if you think about it why would you run with scissors? I mean children are dumb, but would they really be running with scissors in their hands? I mean I guess it happens in kindergarten. But most children don’t really use scissors on a daily basis. They start using scissors  with the lesson on cutting along straight lines but if you really think about it…

Kimberly Focus! Back to the point,  as I got older I grew more afraid of actually living. I wouldn’t do anything that could end up with me in the emergency room. Like reckless sports. :p But I also didn’t participate in sports because I am horrible at them. I mean I have no hand eye coordination and playing softball with the boys P.E. class in the sixth grade was extremely humiliating. Especially when your junior high crush sees you as nothing more than a threat to him winning  a stupid P.E. game of softball. Its softball! And P.E. class! Not a national tournament. When it was my turn up to bat I heard him say, “Please hit the ball. Just this once hit it.” Yeah that crush didn’t last long. It was that important to him, of course I could care less and didn’t hit one ball. I guess I could have made the effort but I just didn’t feel the need to. Of course batting was much better than being in the field where you had to wear a glove. Only there wasn’t enough gloves for each team to have their own; so we would switch by leaving the gloves on the ground and you would just pick one up. And wouldn’t you know the one I just happened to pick up was for a left handed person. That didn’t do me any good seeing as I am right handed. And I was yelled at for just standing and not grabbing the correct glove. Wow what was my point again. Damn I hate when I get off subject.

Back to the main issue here. After watching the recent episode of Being Erica  it made me think of taking risks. Not huge risks but the semi ones. I mean I feel like I have always just made the safe choices. With certain situations I felt like the wet blanket that ruins the fun for everyone else. Which is why I have no social life.  I mean I’m not saying I haven’t made dumb choices. I have regrets like every other person out there. I just feel like on the not so serious decisions , I just made the safe choice so I wouldn’t have to experience yet another embarrassing moment. You know the non life threating decisions? Like getting the courage to ask someone out, or speaking up in class when I am lost? Situations like these that aren’t really earth shattering. But in all situations I make the safe choice. Thats just how I am programed. I think of nothing but the negative side of things. That isn’t exactly the  best way to view things.  I am working on it.  I mean when something embarrassing happens why can’t I just laugh at it? Its not the end of the world. I turn a shade of red and then it passes. No harm no foul right? Of course some humiliating moments stay with you long after they have passed and you try and try to forget it. But alas, to no avail. You are stuck with that moment in time where you would love to have crawled under the nearest rock and stay there permanently. But again it passes until you are to suffer yet another embarrassing moment. A vicious cycle that is known to repeat until you have trained yourself to be immune to embarrassment. Fat chance of that ever happening to me. -_-

Movies: I saw Where the Wild things are the other day. I thought it was cute. Some parts where a bit odd. But I still thought it was cute. The ending sort of bugs me but there really isn’t anything I can do about the ending of a movie. But if you are into the whole cute family movie  where the child learns an important lesson in a dream? Then you should see this movie. Plus I thought they did a good job on making the wild things look real.  I’m not sure how many stars I would give this movie. I guess four?

I have jury duty on Monday. I cannot miss anymore days of Government after Monday. I need to stop being lazy this is serious stuff man. See the choices I make? Tsk. I am such a lazy student. >_<