Inside Kimmy’s Mind

At this exact moment I am watching the show Lie to Me and I can’t help but wish I was able to tell when others were lying by hand movements and facial expressions. That would be nice.

I am in a little predicament. I have a test later today in Web Design. I haven’t studied. At all. I also have a painting due tomorrow before my test. And now what am I doing at the moment? Well Lie to Me just finished, and I am updating my blog now stopping every now and then to straighten my hair. -_- I really do need to learn how to use my time wisely. Because if I don’t I will keep getting myself into these situations with my classes. Bleh I mean I already stay up half the night reading so its not like I would get more sleep if I did use my time wisely. >_< But I felt like I should take time to update my blog right now because I haven’t updated a lot this month and I felt like something was missing because of it. So here I am updating about procrastinating. Among the other things I keep putting off are sending my best friend her care package. Sorry about that Missy. I keep putting it off because truth be told I haven’t quite finished stuffing it with enough things to make you smile. I mean I know I can send multiple packages at different times but I want the first package to be epically awesome. ^_^ So just know it will get to you as soon as I deem it worthy.

Ok so I am extremely pissed at the idiot that is my cousin Gabby. But she is no longer my cousin, yup I disown her as a member of my family. I no longer want anything to do with her nor do I care what happens to her in the future. I am passed caring. As children we didn’t always see each other and when we did we never got along. She was usually busy conning me out of something I owned. Thankfully, as I got older I started using the complex organ known as my brain; and when she and her family moved into my home, (after a number of years of not seeing each other) I got smart. Which is more than I can say for her. Now I’m sure you’re thinking, “Gosh what a harsh bitch.” But you see I’m not being harsh. I am merely speaking the truth. Now I am aware that it is pretty bitchy sounding but true nonetheless. Also you have no idea what type of person she is. I have updated about her before. Except in my previous entries she remained nameless. I had some common decency. However, now any sympathy I had for her is long gone. I don’t really want to get into explaining the idiocy that is Gabby so I wont. I just felt the need to vent the anger I have towards her. I am tired of being related to an idiotic narcissist. In her small not fully developed brain, lies nothing but thoughts concerning herself. Yes I know duh a person thinks of themselves often because…well we can’t help that. But when it comes to family and friends? No only Gabby herself has pain. No one else in the world exist or feels anything. I have also had it up to here with how she treats her mother. Her mother is my mom’s twin sister. And she just so happens to be my favorite Aunt. And I don’t like it when my family is being mistreated. Especially if its by another family member. (But she no longer a member of my family) Now some of you might think, (not implying that there are a ton of people that read my blog) ” Aren’t you afraid of Gabby reading this entry?” Now that thought has crossed my mind but not in fear. No I hope she does read it. So she knows not to call me or IM or any other form of communication. But of course she won’t read this entry because even though it is about her she has too many other “important” things in her life to worry about. Like moving in with an older man to live the life of luxury. You see, Gabby is still stuck with the idea that happiness is only measured by having someone to f***. (Pardon my language. Normally I would just type out the word. But some common decency remains.) So instead of helping her mother, she plans to move in with a guy she ( for all I know) barely knows. Who is in fact her rebound guy. And thinks tra la la la everything will be fine. What she doesn’t see is that people get bored easily. Most of those people happen to be men.(Knock on wood when I say this. Damn you decency) And when rebound guy gets bored he is is gonna want someone else to measure his happiness. (corny I know sorry about that) Meaning he will no longer desire her taking up space in his apartment. IT IS THE 21st CENTURY DAMMIT! Women do not require men to live a happy life. I mean yes falling in love is what most women dream about. And I’m not saying I don’t wish to find that but I’m not going to fret about it now. Plus Gabby is confusing love with sex so she doesn’t fall under the sane women category.

So here is a message to my no longer cousin Gabby: Do not talk to me. Ever. I think you are past redeeming yourself. I find your selfishness tiresome and I want nothing more to do with you. I hope moving in with your current lay is worth it. And I’m not really sorry if this hurts your feelings, but lets face it we both know my words have hurt you before. But thats when I was holding back. I know this is somewhat immature and new levels of bitchy for me. But I have held my tongue too long. Judging isn’t a good thing to do. But I am merely human and I can’t help that. I just usually kept what I thought of you to myself. Well and among a few others. I really did hope you would somehow change your perspective on life and for the love of chocolate put someone else before yourself. Because f.y.i. there are other things in your life, besides guys and sex. Which to me is all you seem to care about. This isn’t to start a high school dramatic war, it was merely my last attempt to get through to you. And the last words you will hear from me. Even though I do wish to tell you so much more in person. Only I can’t handle the thought of you let alone the sight of you. Do try to take care of your health. (Theres that decency again. Damn.)

Well I should finish my hair and my painting. I let my rant exceed its limit. And I must say I feel better. Blogging about my anger has a nice after taste. (That sounds weird.) It leaves me feeling refresh. I want to take this time to apologies to my aunt if she for some reason finds and reads this entry. I’m sorry I wrote horrible things about your daughter. But I mean every word of it. And I want you to know, I love you unconditionally and expect nothing in return.

So I had my first Jury Duty experience. And I must say I understand why it is something most adults desperately try to wiggle themselves out of having to sit through.

Yes I receive ten dollars for taking time out of my schedule to partake in. And then an additional $40 until the case is settled. But that is only if you are selected as a juror for the case. Anyway, I went int at 8:15 am and then was told to come back at 1. When I came back to the court house the judge called roll and then dismissed us explaining that all his cases were canceled. So we have fulfilled our jury duty summons. Yay! Of course I was sort of hoping to have it extended and get chosen so I could get 40 dollars. Money is the only reason I wanted to do this in the first place. (I know greedy me.) Ok I also did it because it was something new to experience. :p And although it was annoying it was interesting in some ways. Minus the part when my stomach made loud unflattering noises. Stupid nervousness. >_< Anyway, after I was fnished with Jury Duty my mom picked me up and we drove by a fabric store. I love buying new fabrics.

It’s closed on Monday’s so we decided to venture into the Antique store near the fabric store. There were so many interesting things there. First edition books, vintage cameras, (well everything was vintage) furniture, clothing, kitchenware, wall hangings, hand mirrors and brushes. I wanted the old fashion video cameras, so cool. But ironically still expensive. But I did leave with two Lady Baltimore suit cases for only $21.65. I immediately fell in love with them once I saw them. Visible wear and tear but for being made in the 40′s they are in good condition for their age. I hope I can visit the shop again it was interesting seeing things from the past. It makes me think about the people that first owned the items in the store. Like what sort of people were they? And what lives did they lead? I know I sound like a soap opera life time movie. But it makes me think about the future antique stores where they will have things from our present. Weird thought right?

Thursday and Friday were fun. I spent time with my friend Ana at Pet Smart. And then we went on an adventure to find her lost debit card and license. Silly girl left it at Pet Smart after purchasing a pet muzzle. Thankfully we retraced our steps and she was reunited with them. I also went to the movies with my friend Constance. We saw Whip It. Which was a cute movie, it made me want to try roller derby. Of course I know I wouldn’t last a second, I don’t have a tough hide to succeed in a sport like that. I would be the player on the ground with my face on the course as the other players skated either around or over me. It was basically a girl power movie, that left you with this yeah I can do anything motivation. This movie also left me with the urge to buy the book, but I have recently bought Charmed Thirds by Megan McCafferty. So I must wait until I can buy another book. I love buying books.

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Song of the day is by Modest Mouse- Dashboard.

Well I have a test to study for, and a painting to finish by Tuesday. And I am not really in the studying mood nor am I feeling artistically motivated.

For as long as I can remember I have never really taken a risk. I mean I have always been the weird kid that never ran with scissors. But if you think about it why would you run with scissors? I mean children are dumb, but would they really be running with scissors in their hands? I mean I guess it happens in kindergarten. But most children don’t really use scissors on a daily basis. They start using scissors  with the lesson on cutting along straight lines but if you really think about it…

Kimberly Focus! Back to the point,  as I got older I grew more afraid of actually living. I wouldn’t do anything that could end up with me in the emergency room. Like reckless sports. :p But I also didn’t participate in sports because I am horrible at them. I mean I have no hand eye coordination and playing softball with the boys P.E. class in the sixth grade was extremely humiliating. Especially when your junior high crush sees you as nothing more than a threat to him winning  a stupid P.E. game of softball. Its softball! And P.E. class! Not a national tournament. When it was my turn up to bat I heard him say, “Please hit the ball. Just this once hit it.” Yeah that crush didn’t last long. It was that important to him, of course I could care less and didn’t hit one ball. I guess I could have made the effort but I just didn’t feel the need to. Of course batting was much better than being in the field where you had to wear a glove. Only there wasn’t enough gloves for each team to have their own; so we would switch by leaving the gloves on the ground and you would just pick one up. And wouldn’t you know the one I just happened to pick up was for a left handed person. That didn’t do me any good seeing as I am right handed. And I was yelled at for just standing and not grabbing the correct glove. Wow what was my point again. Damn I hate when I get off subject.

Back to the main issue here. After watching the recent episode of Being Erica  it made me think of taking risks. Not huge risks but the semi ones. I mean I feel like I have always just made the safe choices. With certain situations I felt like the wet blanket that ruins the fun for everyone else. Which is why I have no social life.  I mean I’m not saying I haven’t made dumb choices. I have regrets like every other person out there. I just feel like on the not so serious decisions , I just made the safe choice so I wouldn’t have to experience yet another embarrassing moment. You know the non life threating decisions? Like getting the courage to ask someone out, or speaking up in class when I am lost? Situations like these that aren’t really earth shattering. But in all situations I make the safe choice. Thats just how I am programed. I think of nothing but the negative side of things. That isn’t exactly the  best way to view things.  I am working on it.  I mean when something embarrassing happens why can’t I just laugh at it? Its not the end of the world. I turn a shade of red and then it passes. No harm no foul right? Of course some humiliating moments stay with you long after they have passed and you try and try to forget it. But alas, to no avail. You are stuck with that moment in time where you would love to have crawled under the nearest rock and stay there permanently. But again it passes until you are to suffer yet another embarrassing moment. A vicious cycle that is known to repeat until you have trained yourself to be immune to embarrassment. Fat chance of that ever happening to me. -_-

Movies: I saw Where the Wild things are the other day. I thought it was cute. Some parts where a bit odd. But I still thought it was cute. The ending sort of bugs me but there really isn’t anything I can do about the ending of a movie. But if you are into the whole cute family movie  where the child learns an important lesson in a dream? Then you should see this movie. Plus I thought they did a good job on making the wild things look real.  I’m not sure how many stars I would give this movie. I guess four?

I have jury duty on Monday. I cannot miss anymore days of Government after Monday. I need to stop being lazy this is serious stuff man. See the choices I make? Tsk. I am such a lazy student. >_<

I made my KimCateKat video the other day. It took forever to upload it to Youtube. I had to use internet explorer instead of firefox in order to upload it. Well I got paid 42 dollars for working that one Saturday. Mom says its not worth it. But I felt a sense of pride getting paid. I wouldn’t mind working again. Where else am I going to find a job where I am given a ride to and back? I mean I don’t have a license so I can’t just work anywhere. Not that anywhere will even hire me. I need to start saving money. I mean it will take awhile but I mean whats life without hard work?

So I went to the dentist on Monday. Oh joy. I hate all types of doctors. Anyway, so I will be getting braces soon. The thought of actually having normal nice looking teeth makes me happy, but I just wish I could fast forward all the pain. Why couldn’t I have nice teeth? I have horrible teeth. When I was in junior high a classmate once told me, “How can a person with such crooked teeth; have such a pretty smile?” I hate backhanded compliments.  Did you know some people are not born without wisdom teeth? Meaning they won’t have to worry about getting those removed. Lucky people. I have mine. -_- Why must human beings be so fragile? I wish we could withstand anything. But I will have braces for the next two years. Great. You know I don’t mind actually having the braces, its the pain I am worried about. I don’t want to go through the pain of the braces and then I will have to remove my wisdom teeth. I wish I could wait until all of the wisdom teeth were erupted so they wouldn’t have to make an incision into my gums and extract the tooth.They take out some bone from your jaw. How is that a good thing? I hope my wisdom teeth aren’t growing horizontal. Thats when they can cause damage to your other teeth. Pfffft so many problems when it comes to teeth. I googled that, and now I wish I hadn’t because I saw pictures. They are really going to have to put me on the loopy gas. I wish I didn’t have to get them out. Again I wish I had a fast forward pain button. If only.

Must be positive and it will be worth all the pain to go through with it as soon as possible. I could have nice looking teeth in two years time? Nice thought.