Inside Kimmy's Mind

Woah. I hate being confused. So in order to not be confused I ask tons of annoying questions over and over until I am no longer confused. Which sometimes takes a while in order for that to happen. What can I say? I like to make sure I heard everything correct so there are no misunderstandings.

I am really dense. If you don’t say exactly what you mean then I probably won’t understand. Which makes me confused and irritated. I like understanding things from other peoples point of views. But if you don’t spell it out for me then I will forever be in the dark and misunderstand you. I might even create my own version of what you’re trying to say. Which is most likely far from the actual truth. Is that what you want? I think not.

But anyway, I have a cousin that is starting a new relationship. My cousin and I are completely different. And we each do things differently. So we don’t always agree with each others advice. Anyway the guy she is now seeing is completely different from the guys she normally dates. And she is being extremely impatient. He is what you call a gentleman. You know the kind? They respect their date by not immediately attacking her when the lights go out in the movie theater. Especially on a first date. She is my cousin, so I don’t mean to judge her. But her logic is WRONG! And she needs to keep her urges in her pants. Which is exactly what I told her. I mean I don’t have tons of experience so its not like I should be giving relationship advice. But this is what I see as common sense. Why rush things? The whole beginning of a relationship is one of the best parts in my opinion. The timid dates and the flirting, along with the sweet compliments that seem to never end. I mean its beautiful…O.o…What is this? Some type of Hallmark card? That was so cheesy. But I think you see my point. If not? Then…go watch an 80’s teen movie. They are nothing but cheesy. And I love them.

The bit of song I have included in this entry is by Mika and its called You Made Me. I love Mika.[audio:http://numb.honey-vanity.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/YouMadeMe-Mika.mp3]

Liking someone. Is it just something that happens without us realizing it? Is there a particular reason that makes you find a person irresistible? I mean does it start off as so insignificant that it slowly turns into something important to you? All of these rhetorical questions just bury themselves in my thoughts as they overlap and I over analyze something that was just hypothetical to begin with. This is one of my problems. I over think every little word that is said and I forget if the actual words that I am trying to see were even said to begin with. Does this make sense? If not? My bad. Sigh.

OK. If you are the sort of person that hates when other people ruin movies you have yet to see, then I am warning you DO NOT continue reading this entry. I am known for telling the endings of movies sometimes not on purpose. But thats just the way I am. Watching movies with me (that I have already seen) is sometimes annoying for others. My bad. >_<;

Anyway the movie that I am about to rip to shreds is…..Drag Me to Hell. I have so many words for this movie and just off the top of my head- horrible, lame, annoying, stupid, corny, mundane….yada yada yada. Anyway, I’m sorry if you liked this movie but I did not. The main character Christine Brown played by Alison Lohman (which I love her) gets so much fake shit thrown in her face and mouth. She consumes the saliva of a crazy woman, blood, eye balls of a dead crazy woman, a fly, maggots, and embalming fluid of a dead crazy woman. Yes she does.

Now the story line of someone cursing another person or family blood line has been done many times, and if done right then it could be an interesting movie idea. Now the entire movie was horrible. But there was once scene that was the most horrible. (And here is me attempting to describe the scene as best I can.) Its where the character Christine is leaving her job right after denying the crazy woman’s request for a loan extension. She gets attacked by this crazy woman and throughout the entire scene I’m thinking, “Is this seriously part of the movie?” The crazy lady’s false teeth fall out during the struggle and she then proceeds to suck the chin of Alison’s character. I kid you not. She actually puts her toothless mouth on the chin of the actress. It bothered the shit out of me for some reason. Death by saliva and gums should be one of the worse ways to go. And the lady just keeps on fighting. One of the most worse scenes in a movie. This movie seemed like a spoof that was making fun of something else. It was so predictable, I knew she was going to be (not to be cheesy) dragged to hell. Only watch this movie if you are in the mood to laugh at the train wreck that is this movie. Sigh. Sorry to ruin the hopes of those who thought this movie looked good.

The past few weeks or so….

• I volunteered last week for my college at a golf course. And I was attacked by heat and mosquitoes. Ouch. I spent time with Cate so that was awesome and I meet several other people that go to my school. I just don’t ever want to volunteer outside ever again. -_-

• I also saw RENT the musical for the second time. Except this time I was able to watch it with Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal. ORIGINAL ROGER AND MARK!!! I have video of Anthony Rapp giving me his autograph, and I will try to make a vlog as soon as I can.

• I got to see my Korean brother Hyun the other day. It was good to see him of course he was mean to me as usual, but what brother doesn’t pick on his sisters? Well he left for Korea early Sunday morning so we only got to see him on Thursday. He looks older but at the same time he still looks the same. lol I find it so strange how long we have known each other. I met him my freshman year of high school. Hyun along with Haruka (Japanese exchange student) became apart of my family. I don’t get to talk to Haruka often but I’m so glad that he still visits and talks to me. Awww memories.

On a serious note: I wanted to mention this one time and one time only. Because pretending like it didn’t happen isn’t working. My ex called me about a week ago. He wanted to discuss “us”. Now its been about 5 months since we have been an “us” and I haven’t even talked to him, but for some reason when I heard my cell ring I had a feeling it was him. Now thanks to the invention of cell phones I haven’t memorized a phone number in like forever, so after we broke up I deleted his number so I wouldn’t try to call him. I guess subconsciously I recognized the number or something and I answered it. Sigh. He told me that he loved me and that he wanted to get back together. To make things short, he said everything I wanted to hear the night of our break up 5 months ago. (weird coincidence- He broke up with me January 6th, and called me again May 6th) Anyway, of course I still have feelings for him, he meant a lot to me. But at the same time I am a bitter bitch. And I kept thinking why now out of all the times he could have talked to me. What made today special? We had a class together he could have talked to me then. So we talked. I told him that I am still the same person I was when he dumped me. That for what ever reason he broke up with me before could happen again and that would he even be willing to put us through that again? He told me no that he finally knows what he wants and that’s me. And that he wouldn’t make the same mistake twice. Of course his words were amazing and alluring. And I was on cloud nine once again. I finally got to hear what I wanted to hear 5 months ago. So I said hypothetically- If we were going to get back together we would have to take it slow. Just to make sure things still clicked. We couldn’t just act like nothing happened.  He said he would agree to anything. No matter how bitter, or bitchy I was he didn’t care. As long as we could work on becoming “us” again. However, I’m not allowed to see him/date him. So I had to say good bye to him once again. My parents never really like him much before so having him in my life again wasn’t even an option. Saying good bye is not an easy thing to do. Whether its a good bye see you soon, or a good bye for now, or a good bye forever? It is difficult. Dylan is a very important person to me, but I thought perusing a relationship with him again would have caused more heart ache than happiness. My family would never have accepted him, and he would have been really unhappy with me. Although I felt annoyed that he reopened almost healed wounds, it was good to talk to him again. My friend Missy said its good because now we have no harsh feelings so that part is true. We talked like we were never apart so I think one day I will be able to talk to him again but as friends only. Wow depressing. Ok This will be  last time I’m talking about this.

• I’m at my sisters apartment for two weeks. I don’t start classes again until June 8th. And I’m so looking forward to that. >_< Bleh.

“So many faces in and out of my life; some will last, some will be just now and then. Life is a series of hellos and good byes, I’m afraid it’s time for goodbye again.”

I have a headache, I want to be lazy and sleep, I need to write lots of things, I want to read lots of books, I want to make a video!!! I need to study! I want/need/don’t/have to do a lot of things and all at the same time!!!!!! Oh if only I could freeze time for a bit. I would do everything I needed to do before they were due. I know that would have its consequences. I have watched way too many movies.

My English class is over with, I just need to finish my last essay which I’m just about done with. Its about whats real and whats not: Sex dolls. We watched the movie Lars and the real girl. But it made me think of a documentary I watched a while back. Oh and an article I read here.

I need to finish my chapter for my SciFi class. And then I need to write an essay for my scholarship which is due next week. I keep wanting to make a vlog, I haven’t made one that wasn’t apart of the KimCateKat videos. And the last time I made one was in January. How sad is that?This weekend my family and I are going to the Japanese festival. I hope the weather is nice this weekend. I don’t want it to be too hot when we go because then I will be extremely cranky.

Anyway, math class is stressing me out so bad at the moment. I’m afraid I will fail it, I don’t want to have to repeat this class over. My final is next week and I don’t think I’m prepared for it. I mean no matter how much I study I wouldn’t be prepared/ think I can ever be prepared for it. Math isn’t just memorizing facts, and its not based on your opinion, its finding the right answer. And I can’t do that if I have no clue how to solve the problem. And there are so many rules and laws. If I forget even one step the whole problem is wrong. sigh. Its a multiple choice test which might be good. I can always guess if worse comes to worse. But I still am afraid. The final is over what I learned over the entire semester. Its not like in my History class which is just over Unit three. My English class is just an essay and my SciFi class is take home questions plus an essay. All of them I can do, except for stupid math. I hate worrying about shit like this. Because then I get in a sort of frenzy and I end up making myself sick and such. BLEH!!!!

I should finish my essays, that will get my mind off potentially becoming a failure. Well I’m off to write a story and an essay.

We all have an inner critic just waiting to be heard.

But who am I kidding my inner critic is not so much as inner, but more like worn on the outside so it can shout at everyone in its path. (Like my critic is its own person or something) Anyway, I’m going to criticize Disney’s Demi Lovato’s song Don’t forget.

Yes I watch Disney Channel! So what!

(I do not mean to offend those who love this song. To each its own.) Anyway, I thought this Disney Pop Princess would be much better than Miley Cyrus. But I was wrong. They both annoy me. I do however admit that Demi can sing, its just this song “Don’t Forget” is horrible. It is just a song with a million rhyming words. Plus the music video was horrible as well. No one looks good with rain hair, so why shoot a video with it. This is a stereotypical girl song, about relationships and blah blah. Shes like what 14? How many relationships could she possibly have had? My point is that I found this song so appalling that I had to update my blog about it. Wow, that is in no way sad. Demi Lovato isn’t as annoying as Miley Cyrus, but she is well on her way to becoming just another pain in the ass.

I can’t believe I have an opinion about this song. Damn Disney Channel.

I cannot wait for Spring Break!!!!

Part 1:

Its weird when you find something that meant something to you at one point in time and now it is merely a thing that just brings back memories to that specific point. I mean I have a lot of shit in my room. I have had 19 years worth of stuff building up in my room and I can’t always keep track of things that are important to me. I mean I have tons of stuff that remain important to me and you can tell what they are because they are displayed for all to see. (Ok not all. Just everyone that has seen my room) But you know those small little items that are deemed important because of what happened when you got it or because of the person. I mean you don’t actually forget it completely you just had too many new memories that pushed that one in the back of your filing cabinet of memories. I was looking through my closet of no return (Its a black hole with a monster in it. Just like under my bed.) And I found things that I haven’t thought about in a long time. So strange. Aww memory lane sucks. In a way it sort of makes me sad. I mean you know you have regrets and you sometimes say to yourself if only you could just do that part over things would be different. But how do you know they would be any better than they are now? I have regrets. But I’m not sure if things would change for the better if I did certain things differently? Sigh. Weird.

There is this Barbie catalog where you can purchased vintage barbies. I find old toys so interesting.

Part 2:

I am getting annoyed by walking to class. Guys driving by, are assholes. Its annoying when they honk or say something as they drive pass. Plus it scares me. Speaking of hating…don’t you hate it when you are in class/work. And your stomach decides to embarrass you because it hates you. My stomach decided to do that in history the other day. I growled unbelievably loud. And it was never ending. The people next to me kept laughing at me. Hopefully they were laughing because I kept sighing and rubbing my tummy whispering a fuck here and there. It was quite annoying. It never growled this bad before. Stupid demon tummy aura. Now I must continue on studying for math. I have an exam tomorrow I hope I pass it. Please let me pass it. MATH SUCKS!  My stomach is hurting me. Maybe because I don’t sleep enough, that is why my stomach is killing me. I am going to sleep good during the break. I won’t have to worry about things for a week. Well except I do have to read the Doom’s day book. I won’t have that book read in a week. EEK I don’t like it. >_<  Ok back to studying.

“I’ve learned that good-byes will always hurt, pictures will never replace having been there, memories good and bad will bring tears, and words can never replace feelings.”

I had a bunch of stuff written. But my internet was being wonky and wouldn’t work causing me to lose the “Stuff” that was typed here before. So now I am extremely annoyed because I don’t quite remember how I worded things. Tsk. But I know I liked it. Sigh-_- So know that from this point on I am annoyed. Ok on with the annoyed post. … continue reading this entry.

I am deleting my myspace by the end of the week, I think it will solve a lot of my problems.

So…school. There are about a million things wrong with it. My ex is in my history class. Now I knew I might run into him in the hallways. But, its a nice size campus so I thought it would be big enough for the both of us. But a classroom? Not so much. I could have sworn I told him when I had classes, so if he got the same class as me on purpose that pretty much sucks. He saw me before I saw him, and he avoided me. Which nah duh that is understandable. But that somehow made it hurt much more. How am I supposed to get over him if I see him during that class. Now granted, I don’t have to look at him or speak to him or have anything to do with him. But he is there. He broke up with me before we did class schedules together. Yet here we are in the same history class every Monday and Wednesday at 2:15. To me it feels like he is purposefully doing this so it is impossible for me to move on. Now I don’t know why I am thinking of it that way. Because he wasn’t this kind of person while we were dating. He was nice and a good boyfriend. Maybe subconsciously I think making him out to be the villain will make things easier for me. But I guess that isn’t really my subconscious. I know he is hurting too even though it was him who wanted to date other people. But I am standing my ground and not changing my schedule. My science fiction/fantasy class seems like it will be fun. The teacher is really cool and I love writing and reading so it should be ok. But there are a lot of books I have to read and in a short amount of time but I believe I can do it. Tomorrow I have English at 12:30 and then math at 5. I’m not exactly looking forward to that but hey I have no choice. I promise I will try to update with a less boring entry next time.

School should take my mind off things not keep it on them sigh.

Life so far sucks. It does.

I’m about to break emotionally. If something else bad happens I’m not sure if I can take it. To start off this year my relationship ended. Yeah. I am apparently too comfortable of a “shoe.” And he wanted to date other people. He isn’t a horrible person, he is just horrible at expressing himself, and can’t word things right. But I guess there is no right way of breaking up with someone. And there is no way to avoid the heartache and tears. But hey hearts mend right? Anyway I get a call from BC. Um Yeah I updated a bulletin about this already but I have to mention it here too. The watercolor class I was looking forward to and was so excited about was CANCELED. Yes canceled. Not enough people. I hate my life. I mean I’m not suicidal or anything so don’t freak out. I’m just in a rut of depression at the moment. I’m hoping something will make it suck less. Heres hoping. So instead of the watercolor class I desperately wanted/needed. I have some Lit. class. It meets only on Mondays at 6pm to 9. Sigh Fuck ass!

My friends have been awesome. Hear that friends? You’re FUCKING AWESOME! Missy you rock! You have no idea what a relief you have been for me. Thank you so much for helping me with things and I love you! Mija thanks for getting CH’s autograph you are the best. I’m hanging out with Cate tomorrow. Yay! Then Friday I’m hanging out with Hyun and visiting Mrs. Middleton. We have been trying to do that all week. So hopefully Friday we can. Then Saturday is my mom’s birthday so we are gonna go to the movies maybe. Then next week classes start. tsk. Which sucks.

Sorry for the emo entry. I am just not a happy person at the moment. I’m sure I will bounce back. Just need to get over things.

PART 1: I couldn’t help but think this was cute. This is the theme for my gmail, the little fox is always in a different place. lol It changes from day to night. lol Cute right? Earlier he was sitting at the outside table. I know I am weird. But I love it. lol

PART 2: I am really angry with the mail and borders market. I ordered a book at the beginning of the month and the book still hasn’t came. So I sent them an email saying exactly that. They said they refunded me, but I still want the book. Tsk. I hate the mail sometimes. sigh. On another note I am reading Dead until Dark and I’m almost on the second one. So far I like it but I hate to say it but I like the show way more. I’m not gonna anything other than that. I still recommend it though. lol

PART 3: Kitty sitting tomorrow until Wednesday. Finished essay, need to start last one. I need to do my history quizzes. Then get ready for exams and take them and pass them and then……get ready for the next semester. Phew!!