T-T…>.
So since the semester has ended, my sleep schedule as reverted back to its normal carefree pattern. Meaning sleeping late and sleeping in. So instead of trying to sleep at a decent time I do what I normally do in this situation. Browse Netflicks for a cheesy romance movie to fall in love with. XD
I love when I find a cutesy, make your tummy jump and smile and cry all at once sort of movie. I’m aware that tummies can’t actually smile or cry. But when I watch these types of movies it feels as if mine can. Because its a jump, a smile, a cry I can feel in the pit of my stomach. 0.O Weird I know, I’m probably not making sense. But I have the snot and smile lines to prove it. So I didn’t necessarily fall in love with this movie, but it made me think about life and about the people in my life and about what I’m doing with my life. Whether or not I’m living it right tends to cross my mind quite often during a time like this. And I wonder, “Am I happy?”….However, I feel like this isn’t the right question and therefore can’t answer it. There are tons of factors to consider. Maybe if the question was, “Am I unhappy?” You might think by answering this question you get the answer to the first one but I like to think that these questions are extremely different. No I am not unhappy, I am not depressed nor suicidal. Thankfully I’m not feeling any of these emotions. So no worries. But am I necessarily happy? Not sure. I know I’m not on the negative spectrum of emotions. But I don’t find myself on the positive side either. I think I remain in the middle.
I know its really odd how a movie can make me zone out and actually think about weird questions such as these. And normally people know whether or not they are happy with their lives. And I can say I am happy in a sense, but I know there are some things I wish I could change in some way. But who doesn’t feel that way. I know that life wouldn’t be real if there weren’t some difficulties to overcome. I also know that I won’t be really happy unless I do my best at BEING happy. Of course knowing what is causing me to be stuck in neutral would help. But I think I just need to remind myself what makes me happy. Happiness isn’t achieved by expecting to BE happy. There is so much good in my life and I ignore it, when I should be celebrating. So I intend to be happy.
Some of the things that make me happy..
- Reading a good book
- sewing- especially when the product comes out pretty decent
- writing- I can’t go a day without writing in something
- listening to music- the perfect way to get in a good mood is by listening to a happy song
“It is such a great day to be alive.”
