Inside Kimmy's Mind

Life is hectic at the moment. Any free time I’ve managed to come across has been mainly for people or for some pass-out-on-the-couch-me-time. School is coming to an end…for the semester any way and summer classes start up soon right after. Graduation is also upon me. Sadly, my hurdles are far from done and I must move fast.

My plan is to graduate Fall 2015. -.- It sounds amazing whenever I hear myself say it, it sounded amazing to hear my counselor say it. But in order to graduate in the Fall, I must finish up a core requirement. And that is…a foreign language. I took Spanish 1501 almost two years ago, so now in order to take 1502, I must take a test. If I don’t meet the requirements, then that means I have to take 1501…AGAIN. Thankfully, Spanish 2301 and 2302 are now offered as an intensive class n the fall. So, provided I make it into the right class this summer, I can take 2610 in the fall and get credit for the remaining Spanish courses I need.

Along with that nightmare, final projects and tests have just been a huge pain in the ass and now I have to worry about this test before summer classes start. Not to mention worrying about financial aid as well. I just want to graduate! Then I’ll be worrying about a completely different list of things. Such as, where am I going to work? I need money, I need benefits, I need stability and the ability to financially support myself without the help of my parents.  A lot to focus on at the moment and I’m just dreading the next couple of months. However, I’m insanely excited about the thought of graduating. Frankly, I’d rather not do the whole cap and gown charade but my parents have made it clear that they will see me walk. My mom just gave me this look so it’s safe to say that I don’t really have a choice. But that’s the least of my worries, I just want to get to the point where I can officially graduate and get out of school. I’m tired of grades, and tests. Granted, I know you are somewhat graded and tested once in a career. But at least you’re getting paid for that “grade”.

Classes are blah, I’m taking a Creative/Copy Writing course this semester along with a Media Planning one. I’m not sure if I’m fitted for either though, but every time I feel discourage and think I did an assignment incorrectly, I’m surprised because I end up getting great feedback. Which is encouraging, but man are these classes a challenge. I only have two weeks left so let’s do this! And since this entry is pretty heavy, I’ll close with a pretty instagram photo of this Motto Journal I bought from Paper Source. I’ve been using it for only positive thoughts, mine says Hello Beautiful Day and it’s a mint/teal-ish color. I love it. It’s acts as a reminder to see the silver lining even when you can’t focus on it. Take a look at the different colors, do you see any that speak to you? I’m eying the Blue one that says, On to the Next Adventure. That’s all for now, until next time…

Thanks for reading and commenting.

 Monday started off like any other day. I had an early shift at Paper Source and I got out early. (I hate closing, so this was wonderful.) It wasn’t busy in the store either, I mostly checked in shipment and restocked things after crossing them off a list. And occasionally I’d help out with a customer. Oh, I was glued to the phone for most of my shift, which is annoying…I have terrible phone skills. Clocking out and heading to my car is one of the greatest feelings ever, but that day, not so much.

I was talking to my sister on the phone when  I noticed…my car wasn’t where I parked it. But let me give you some background on the parking system where I work. Ok, so parking is crap everywhere, but here people are so busy trying to get a spot in front of the stores that they ignore the huge garage that is always empty….oh and free! But, since I am an employee of a store, I am not allowed to park there. Employees have to park in this lot that is across the street near the train tracks in the most awkward and crazy location ever.  Oh and I need a sticker that I am still unsure where to get…all before my 10 a.m. shift tomorrow. :/ Anyway, going back to the horror….

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I had this holiday weekend to finish up homework and here I am still looking at blank word documents, this is just insane. This semester has been nothing but complete and utter misery.

Tons of things are due this week and I find myself, but of course, procrastinating.

List of things that are due for the end of this ghastly semester:

• Outside story- 12-3
• CV in the voice of Arthurian character – 12-2
• Job letter in the voice of a different Arthurian character 12-2
• Job letter in my voice for the costumes of an Arthurian film 12-2
• Creative project/final essay 12-10
• Final exam 12-15
• Final essay 12-9

This is all due in the coming weeks, even though the semester is essentially over. I mean, why?!! I’m so tired and just ready to call it quits. I just do not possess the energy to type out anything more. And to top it off, my laptop is not working. T-T I am currently typing this and working on my little netbook. I only hope it can handle all the work I need it to do. I hate doing homework at school, but that might actually make me get things done. -.- Have I mentioned how exhausted I am?

It sucks that all my assignments are due and I’m still recovering from my Thanksgiving food coma. I went home for the first time in months, last time I was home was back in September and that was only for a night. My parents have been remodeling things and the house looks different. A weird feeling when you feel like a guest in your own home. I mean, it’s where my family is and I of course feel comfortable there, but this time definitely felt more like someone else’s house. I’m sure it wouldn’t take too long for me to regain my usual feelings towards it, but I only had two nights there. I also drove home for the first time by myself. I was tense and scared but I was able to do it! It was weird, in the past I usually felt this comfort knowing that I was driving to Lake Jackson because that is where my driving confidence lived. But this time, I couldn’t wait to get back to Houston to what is now familiar. Something I never thought would happen. I’ve driven more times in Houston than I have in Lake Jackson even though I grew up in Lake Jackson, it has grown and changed a lot. But aside from that, spending time with my family was wonderful, however I didn’t get much work done and now here I am struggling with homework. -.-

Ok. Back to work!!! I took a nap, so I should be able to get some things done. Pffft Thanks for always being around procrastination. Wish me luck.

Thanks for reading and commenting

Today’s doodle illustrates how I feel after every shower, and then I have to flat iron the hell out of my hair in order to tame the wild beast that is my hair.

I was gonna go on a rant about my frizzy hair but now I’m just putting it in for some comic relief, not to downplay the topic I  will be discussing. Plus the doodle looks angry and well I was pretty angry the other day. I apologize in advance, but this is my opinion and of course I would love to hear yours.

So I’ve notice several articles/videos  over the topic of street harassment. It’s definitely not a fun topic to discuss but I feel as though I should address it today. Several videos that I watched are found here, here and here. Now, I can only speak about my personal experience as a woman. And seeing as I am a woman, I can only voice from my side of the situation. I am in no way saying harassment doesn’t happen to men. Now that we got that out of the way lets move on.

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Exes….most of us have a few here and there buried somewhere in our past that occasionally cross our minds for whatever reason. But exes should always stay in the past. This is my opinion if you don’t agree with me then that’s ok, but I’m saying for me the past should remain in the past.

I came home for the 4th of July weekend to spend it with my family, I haven’t been home in a month and I finally got a weekend off to do so. Being here has now become this portal of nostalgia and my mind tends to wander into the past. But something happened that made me dive way into the past. I blame Facebook for this occurrence, THERE that red little square that appears when you have a new message. Usually I associated it with my boyfriend, up until he joined the rest of us soul less smart phone carriers, he would contact me through Facebook messages.  But now we text/skype/call so now these messages are usually friends with whom I haven’t spoken with in awhile or something of the sort. OR….they are for people to find you without having your cell number. We make it easy for people to get in touch with us, great for certain situations but also easy for those EXES to find and booty call us so as to validate them once again. (Unless they have been blocked of course) I check my cell only to see that red square and a message from him, the first actual ex. The one who had a baby? Still find it bizarre to say let alone type out. She’s adorable of course, but I digress. The message read:

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Today’s post has been written over and over again, I  had trouble figuring out the right words I wanted to use when writing this post and there are a ton of points I’d like to discuss. Most of you have heard about the horrifying events that happened two weeks ago in California…the shootings done by a disillusioned and misogynistic person. And all because women did not pay attention to him?

This 22 year old boy had no respect for life and instead of opening his eyes he allowed himself to see the world as this miserable place where he alone would not find happiness. Of course his idea of happiness was also warped, from the vlogs I have watched it appears as though he was unhappy for not having sex. -.- I realize that sex is an important life experience, but through his eyes it was the ultimate goal that led a person to the only happiness worth living for. Developing relationships makes life exciting and meaningful, but to base happiness solely on the physical aspect of those relationships is bizarre. He complains in all of his videos, saying the same thing over and over again, how women do not desire him, how they prefer these ugly losers and do not give him the time of day. Going on and on about the injustice of it all. Injustice? It is beyond sad that some people believe love and affection should be owed and not earned. This boy had everything society says you need in order to find happiness….or in his eyes, everything required to attract women. Money, nice car, nice clothes. You create your own happiness, you find joy in all aspects of life. You only have one life, why waste it being hateful? If you’re unhappy, that’s because you choose to take the bad things that might happen in life and instead of moving past or learning from them you wallow in them. … continue reading this entry.

Last week was just absolutely disastrous. One thing on top of another and I just hate that I had to have an emotional breakdown instead of just moving pass it while in the moment.

I was typing out a long blog entry and then I noticed that rehashing what happened word for word did more harm than good. I had started this post on Friday but wasn’t in a blogging mood so I didn’t finish it. I said I would always blog both the good and bad things that might happen in my life but I think paraphrasing might be better in this case.

-career fair was a bust, spent so much energy on being bummed about that, that I wasn’t focused on anything else
-Forgot I had a test on Friday after work, couldn’t concentrate on work which lead to wrong orders and tea over flowing
-Bombed said test, only to find out later that I could have rescheduled it during the next exam and actually make time to prepare for it.

So that’s the gist of my dark week, and all while that was happening I also hadn’t seen the bf in two weeks. -.- I don’t see myself as a high maintenance girl, but not seeing him made me uneasy. We’ve both been busy and any time we did talk it was just me complaining about jobs and school. I’m sure that was starting to get annoying. Even I was getting annoyed by my negative and whiny rants. Sometimes ranting is good, other times it can be too much if that’s all that’s said.  I don’t know if it was because everything seemed to be extremely shitty that I let my worrying carry over to other aspects of my life, but I knew I didn’t want to continue feeling like this. I finally decided to tell him about it, and who would have thought…communicating actually helps. -.- Guys are so good at causing us girls to over analyze things. They’re also really good at making those doubts disappear, but only when they know something is bothering you. He was so comforting, I should have known better than to let my insane thoughts get the better of me. Both with school and my relationship. I should give him more credit, even though there are times we misunderstand each other there are also more moments when he knows exactly what to do. He says the perfect things to ease my worries.

Anyway, I’m gonna try to be more optimistic. When you have a negative mindset then of course it will ruin your day from start to finish. It’s hard, especially when things seem overwhelming but I can’t undo what has happened, I can only learn from it and hope to god it doesn’t happen again.  Oh, I want to thank Melissa from Cloudy Chase for coming to have lunch with me last Thursday during my break. It totally made my day, also I still have your birthday present so we must get to get together soon. <3<3

I also got to spend time with the weirdos on Saturday, it was the bro’s birthday as well. We went to Choo Choo Sushi for lunch, then we went to Rustika to pick up his birthday cake and shared a tres leches parfait. We also spent some time with Kat during her break and had some berripop frozen yogurt. Good times.

Here’s to being optimistic. :3 Thanks for reading and commenting.

So I spent my Saturday cleaning up my apartment. Normal Saturday, I finally get around to studying, it takes me awhile to get in the studying mood but it happens. I’m attempting this whole trying not to procrastinate. :/

Anyway, so I sit at my desk and I dive into Chapter 1: Biology Exploring Life, I don’t get very deep because a minute later my cell rings. I look and notice it says that a private number is calling me. Due to my blasted curiosity, I answer it. It’s a man on the line, he mumbles, “Kimberly?” I ask who is calling, and then he mumbles something else in a thick accent. I keep asking who is calling, he then says someone named Albert gave him my number. I finally catch what he had been mumbling earlier and continued doing so.

“You have sex for money?”

……O.O

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So Christmas is complete and I am now back at my apartment. But while I was off visiting my family and enjoying the holiday season, my fridge died-causing all the food inside to spoil and leave behind the most lovely smells. The kind that just say, welcome home Kim.

I pretty much stayed up late this past week at my parents. It was odd, but nice to sleep in my old room, nice because my bed is there and it is wonderful. Odd because I cleaned it out before returning to Houston after the summer. It’s bare. My room yet no longer my room. Anyway, I would lay in my room thinking about my new apartment. I left in a rushed and forgot some things, but I kept thinking maybe I forgot to lock the door and that my nosy neighbor’s nephew noticed it was unlock and decided to stay the entire week and jump on my couches!  Terrifying I know. I mean as far as scary things go, that’s pretty scary. Strangers touching my things! I mean, after what happened at my first apartment, can you blame me for being scared? My mind would keep going over these scenarios, and then I would try to think of scenarios that countered those and was trying to convince myself how there was no way I forgot to lock the door. I remember standing outside my door with two boxes and the keys in my hand. I remember turning said keys and putting them in my pocket after I had lock the door. It was done. I worried yet the comfort of my old room somehow soothed and chased away any bad thoughts. I was able to sleep soundly after that, but every night this week before falling asleep the worries would begin and then end.

 So now that I’m back in my apartment I’ve decided that those worries were trying to prepare me for the fact that my fridge would be the home of rotting meat and cheese. Oh the packages of string cheese!!!! I love string cheese and they are now gone! Weeks of groceries, destroyed by the fact of a no longer cool fridge. Sad. But on the bright side, I get a new fridge but it won’t arrive until Monday. It wasn’t the greatest thing to come home to, but at least the worries I conjured up were not true.

I did have a great Christmas though, wonderful as usual. I hope my parents enjoyed the gifts I bought them. They are difficult to shop for sometimes, but I feel as though I did pretty good this year. I’ll share the gifts in another entry. Until then….

After only a month of living in the apartment and that secure happy feeling I once felt is now gone.

Last week our a/c unit started leaking, so Thursday my sister went to our leasing office so they could send someone to fix it. I felt uneasy about having someone come into our apartment when neither of us would be home, but I figured they wouldn’t send anyone that day. We had to turn off our air condition because it wouldn’t stop leaking and the ceiling above our tub started to bubble up. I was worried water damage would cause the ceiling to cave in. After work on Thursday I came home around 3:30 or so,  it wasn’t leaking but I didn’t noticed any change. So I went straight to my leasing office and asked if I could have a maintenance man come in that day. The lady in the office said she would send someone, I said thank you and went back home to wait. When my sister came home we ate dinner and then later that night we noticed a work order paper, apparently a maintenance man came early that day. Probably sometime between 10 to 2, the hinges to our a/c unit had been messed with because when my sister and I had tried to open the door, they were painted over so we weren’t strong enough to open it.  Our office people didn’t even have a record to let me know that someone had entered our apartment, shouldn’t that lady have known if one had made a visit or not? Our a/c has been working fine, no leaking.

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