Si Una Vez…
I decided that since this is my blog I get to be as immature as I want to be. So here we go, this will be a long post so I understand if you just skim.
So yeah, college dating experience two has ended. Yup. -.- Over. Not even a week of being boyfriend and girlfriend and it is over. But technically we dated for about two months before using labels. I’m not going to lie. I’m obviously mad but not necessarily because the relationship is over. I’m pissed because guys are pussies!!! I guess I should start at the beginning of the end.
We met each others parents, which for me is a big deal, so I thought it meant something. I met his family on Sunday and I thought it went well so we made it official. -.- Then things started to go down hill. My text inbox went from 1000’s to 100’s and just slowly declined. I didn’t think too much about that because you don’t have to text someone that much…even if you are in a relationship. Then we started the Boldface Writing Conference this week. Such a fun experience. Anyway, Monday he acted semi normal. Tuesday is when I notice something different. He didn’t talk to me at all. I practically had to pull teeth to get him to acknowledge me and was also smoking a lot. So I figured something was wrong. And then I noticed he was checking his cell A LOT. -.- I don’t want to jump to conclusions but what other one am I supposed to come to. Sigh. Anyway. Wednesday was practically the same. Little to no acknowledgment, if you were to see us you would have thought we were strangers. He treated me more like a girlfriend before I was his “girlfriend” . He made me feel like shit this entire week and I could feel him pulling away. I know when a guy loses interest in me. Because they ALL do the same thing. And that is treat you like shit by pulling away. I mean, I guess that is really high maintenance of me to want the guy I’m dating to actually talk to me. -.-
The first thing I tell a guy is, “The moment you lose interest in me. Fucking tell me.” That is all I asked of him. Just be honest. I might have respected him if he was honest with me. For someone who claims to be a man, sure didn’t act like one. He just pretended to still like me. I mean what was he going to do? Just continue pretending, because he wasn’t doing a very good job at it. He would just sit there and lie, whenever I asked him, do you like me? Nod his head after a pause. pffft I think what pisses me off the most is that he planned on letting me go home for the summer thinking we were still in a relationship. I have a feeling that he would just have used the summer being away from each other as a reason for drifting apart. Like I think he would have just slowly stopped talking to me altogether.
Thursday- I couldn’t even sit next to him during the closing readings because of how horrible he made me feel. His disinterest was really obvious and I feel stupid for not acting sooner. The flirting, kisses and little caresses all had stopped. A big sign that he didn’t want to be with me anymore. But I really hated being paranoid and tried to convince myself that it was just stress. But this just goes to show that I should always go with my gut. Because I knew. I really wish I didn’t introduce him to my parents and even though I really loved meeting his family, I really wish he didn’t introduce me to them now. He made me feel important but it was my fault for rushing things and not taking things slow. Anyway, so we go to the after reading at some wine bar and you can feel the tension. He’s barely talking to me and he’s glued to his cell probably texting some other girl as far as I know. I don’t know. I just have a feeling he was.
(side note- I just watched Selena and now I’m in the mood to listen to her music. Hence the title- Si Una Vez– If Once)
So I thought it about it. What the fuck am I doing? Why am I letting this continue? Why should I let him come to my house again to meet more of my family if he doesn’t even like me anymore. Which again why pretend? Did he think he was being the good guy by pretending? Because he only made things worse.
So on the silent ride home I thought, “Confront him Kim.” And I did. In a the least threatening way. I didn’t even yell at him.
He just put the radio on to break the silence.
Me: Are you going to talk to me over the summer?
Him: Nods yes. (He couldn’t even use his words)
Me: Do you like talking to me?
Him: I like talking to you about writing and stuff.
Me: Do you still like me?
Him: ….nods
Me: No you don’t.
Him: What makes you say that? (I think that is what he said)
Me: Because I can feel it. (You never forget this feeling)
Ok let me paraphrase now. He said it was his fault, he thought he was ready. Ready? He is 25! I think that is old enough to be ready. He said he was sorry. But saying sorry didn’t make me feel better. Again I didn’t yell at him, I didn’t cry in front of him. Thank god. I was strong and definitely not weak like he thinks women are. I’ve said this before, but rejection is a part of life. And he won’t be the last to reject me. I basically made it easy for him and broke up with myself. Which was probably what he was hoping for. I don’t think he would have broken up with me otherwise. At least not until I went back to my parents for the summer. He probably thought, well this will be easy. She will be gone and then I can just stop talking to her. Or something like that. Then he says, if you want to go to the conference tomorrow then I won’t show up. Really? I’m an adult. I’m not some weak China doll that will break because a guy doesn’t like me. Yeah it sucks but I can deal with it. I tell him he should go. He didn’t ruin guys or dating for me. Because I will still continue to date, only next time wait 2 years to introduce him to the family. -.- So we finally get to my apartment. And I turn to him and say, it was nice meeting you, shook his hand, I wish you luck with everything you do in the future. And before I get out of the car he says, Kim… -I thought him being a writer he would have nice parting words. But no. He tells me how I should do the intern thing I’ve mentioned countless of times. Obviously I didn’t need his motivation to do so. If I really want something I will make it happen. And that was it. So I did what I do after every bad dating experience. I delete him from my digital life. Pictures and whatnot are erased. That is just how I get over guys. But I think I will leave the actual cloud 9 blog entries up because I did like him a lot. And I don’t want to lose my posts. So I’ll just delete all of the cute pictures. I’m also pissed because he was the one who pursued me in the first place. If he wasn’t ready then he should have never talked to me. I wish I knew what really made him lose interest but it doesn’t matter because it is over. And I’m glad I confronted him before the crawfish boil and before my actual summer began otherwise I would have been hurt a lot more.
Full of lies and shit. Oh well. Que Sera, Sera. I do wish him well though it might take a day or two for the bitterness to subside but come the fall, if I ever run into him I know I can smile and treat him like every other guy on campus. Politely. But that is then and this is now and I rather be bitter and immature at the moment. Thanks for reading.
Mija Said:
on May 25, 2012 at 5:51 pm
I knew something was off with him. I’m sorry Kim <3 you deserve a better guy with his life more put together. I mean he is freaking 25 with his false dreams…. I've dated artists before … Bleh
Kim Said:
on May 26, 2012 at 9:08 am
@Mija, Yeah, no more writers after this. -.-
Melanie Said:
on May 25, 2012 at 10:52 pm
I’m so sorry to hear about what happened with him, but I agree with the other comment…if he’d act like that towards you then its really better that it ended. Its probably much better that it didn’t go on longer than it did. And you totally have every right to be bitter…I don’t think its immature at all! Best of luck it getting through everything.
Kim Said:
on May 26, 2012 at 9:11 am
@Melanie Thanks. I think its better that it ended too. I don’t need to date anyone as fake and weak as him. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Kristen Said:
on May 26, 2012 at 10:22 am
I am so sorry to hear about this, Kim! If you ask me, he’s the one who’s immature. I admire you for how you handled the situation! From the way you described it, you were very mature and classy about it! You’re right, he was a pussy! Ignoring you so that you will be the one to initiate the breakup is the all-time pussy move!
At least you know the truth about him now, though. It’s better than later!
You’re way too good for that jerk!
Kim Said:
on May 26, 2012 at 11:09 am
@Kristen, Yeah I like to think I handled the situation well. I’m glad someone else think so too.Thanks so much for reading and commenting.
Lovely T Said:
on May 27, 2012 at 8:29 am
What an ass!!! I hope he gets the carpal tunnel while texting!!! Gggrrrrr!
kim Said:
on May 27, 2012 at 1:04 pm
@Lovely T, I don’t wish that on anybody…no matter how much they might slightly deserve it. But smart phone face is a nice alternative. XD Thanks for reading and commenting.
Robin Said:
on May 28, 2012 at 8:45 pm
I’m so sorry! I hope that you will soon meet someone who will be worth your time…who will actually take the time to use some words instead of just nodding so much.
“for someone who claims to be a man” <– A real man won't claim that he is one. He'll just BE one.
kim Said:
on May 28, 2012 at 10:45 pm
@Robin, You’re right! If he was a man he would just be one. I’m tired of guys saying one thing and then doing another.I just don’t get it. Thanks for reading and commenting. 🙂
Inside Kimmy's Mind » Types Said:
on May 30, 2012 at 11:07 pm
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Inside Kimmy's Mind » Second Chances Said:
on June 24, 2012 at 12:55 am
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Inside Kimmy's Mind » Anomaly Said:
on September 14, 2012 at 12:12 am
[…] this seemingly nice person. I’m definitely not ready to be in one after what happened back in May. Besides, I don’t fall for a guy just because he pays attention to me. The experience before […]
Inside Kimmy's Mind » Piece of My Mind Said:
on October 13, 2012 at 6:32 pm
[…] have these feelings but I’m tired of feeling guilty for still having feelings for my ex. Yes, he was a dumb ass but I can’t help that I still like him. I really want to blame him […]
Jenn Said:
on November 3, 2012 at 2:38 am
Hi Kim,
I want to say hello. I found your link on a page or group of mine in Blogaholic Social Network. I want to apologize, because as soon as I created all that– I fell out of the blogging world for 5 months or better! Anyway, I just came by to read the link you left.
Sorry this happened to you. Lord, I don’t miss dating in the least!! HA HA. Thankfully I snagged me a good egg and I’ve been married now 17 years. It was worth all the dating fiascos to get the right one.
Cheers, Jenn