Inside Kimmy's Mind

I cannot wait for Spring Break!!!!

Part 1:

Its weird when you find something that meant something to you at one point in time and now it is merely a thing that just brings back memories to that specific point. I mean I have a lot of shit in my room. I have had 19 years worth of stuff building up in my room and I can’t always keep track of things that are important to me. I mean I have tons of stuff that remain important to me and you can tell what they are because they are displayed for all to see. (Ok not all. Just everyone that has seen my room) But you know those small little items that are deemed important because of what happened when you got it or because of the person. I mean you don’t actually forget it completely you just had too many new memories that pushed that one in the back of your filing cabinet of memories. I was looking through my closet of no return (Its a black hole with a monster in it. Just like under my bed.) And I found things that I haven’t thought about in a long time. So strange. Aww memory lane sucks. In a way it sort of makes me sad. I mean you know you have regrets and you sometimes say to yourself if only you could just do that part over things would be different. But how do you know they would be any better than they are now? I have regrets. But I’m not sure if things would change for the better if I did certain things differently? Sigh. Weird.

There is this Barbie catalog where you can purchased vintage barbies. I find old toys so interesting.

Part 2:

I am getting annoyed by walking to class. Guys driving by, are assholes. Its annoying when they honk or say something as they drive pass. Plus it scares me. Speaking of hating…don’t you hate it when you are in class/work. And your stomach decides to embarrass you because it hates you. My stomach decided to do that in history the other day. I growled unbelievably loud. And it was never ending. The people next to me kept laughing at me. Hopefully they were laughing because I kept sighing and rubbing my tummy whispering a fuck here and there. It was quite annoying. It never growled this bad before. Stupid demon tummy aura. Now I must continue on studying for math. I have an exam tomorrow I hope I pass it. Please let me pass it. MATH SUCKS!  My stomach is hurting me. Maybe because I don’t sleep enough, that is why my stomach is killing me. I am going to sleep good during the break. I won’t have to worry about things for a week. Well except I do have to read the Doom’s day book. I won’t have that book read in a week. EEK I don’t like it. >_<  Ok back to studying.

“Creativity is not the finding of a thing, but the making something out of it after it is found.” – James Russell Lowell

Part one: All because of a quote, this is what happens when I stay up all hours of the night thinking and have little sleep. Oh my poor brain.

I have come to the conclusion that I have lost something. Its not a for sure feeling. Just an odd one. The something in question is:

Creativity.

How does one acquire creativity? I mean can it be learned/taught? Or is it something you either have or don’t have? Can it be found or lost? I seem to have lost track of mine. I love to paint, draw, write, make videos and sew. I love to create things. Things that are apart of me in some way or another. Except something is different about me. I mean I realize people change all the time its not earth shattering. I haven’t painted anything in a long time. I miss it. I know I can paint anytime I want to. I write anytime I want to. I can sew and make a video at any time. (Well not any time but you know what I mean) But just today I have realized that when I paint or draw something I need something to look at when I draw it. Meaning it doesn’t come out of my head but out someone else’s. I mean I know that is how you learn somethings by looking at it being done and then proceeding to imitate it. I DEMAND MY CREATIVITY BACK.

Who has taken it? I’m not sure, probably the other not so creative side of me. (What a bitch) How am I supposed to get it back or can I even retrieve it?

Part two: Ok sane again. Well for the most part.

I just watched a movie called Phoebe in Wonderland. It stars Elle Fanning, Dakota Fanning’s younger sister. She is a 9 year old girl with a vivid imagination who also has turrets and obsessive control disorder. Both her parents are writers and her mother has chosen Alice in Wonderland to be the inspiration for her dissertation. Phoebe(Elle) becomes obsessed with that world. I rather liked this movie. It made me want to draw my own version of Alice in Wonderland. I mean I know that the story was written by someone who must have been on a permanent high, but I think thats what made it such an enticing story. I mean come on who hasn’t wanted to escape reality to retreat to a world with no boundaries? Good movie you should watch it if you get the chance. Ok well I better get some sleep. tsk.

“Be what you would seem to be — or, if you’d like it put more simply — Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise.” -Alice in Wonderland

I like reading horoscopes. Today’s reads-A surprise is coming your way this afternoon, and it’s going to push a few of your plans for the day way off track. This disruption isn’t necessarily a bad thing, though. It could be just the thing to mix up your life and infuse some exciting new energy into it! You need to learn to be less rigid about things anyway — and this is the first day of your lessons. If you can gain appreciation for the unknown and the unexpected, you will find more opportunities in life.

I need to get a job! I really hope I get the job at Library. Then I can set up a savings account which will come in handy when I move in with my sister. Sigh. Oh creepy thing happened the other day. Two girls came to the door and basically did what this article says. SO READ IT! Its creepy. (I just noticed I have a bruise on my knuckle. I know random side thought) Mom just gave Kat her laptop so now she has no excuse, she better update her blog more often and she better make her vlogs on time! Do you hear that Kat? I mean it!!!!! Anyway, my lappy is dying a slow and painful death. The battery is shot to hell. So until I have a job and save up money to buy a new laptop, (well first I would save up so I can help mom buy herself a laptop) I want to buy a new battery module until that fine day comes. sigh. My poor lappy.

Mija don’t be stressed ok? I miss you and hope to see you next weekend. Just keep thinking positive ok?

Virgo–They are generally reticent when faced with anything or anyone new. However, once they feel comfortable, they can talk up a storm. (How true is this about me? Very true. I try to warn people about that.) Virgo ascendant natives have a tendency to worry a lot, especially when confronted with new situations. They notice the tiniest details that others overlook.

“Happiness is like a cat, If you try to coax it or call it, it will avoid you; it will never come. But if you pay no attention to it and go about your business, you’ll find it rubbing against your legs and jumping into your lap.”
– William Bennett

I’m not exactly blind, I just wish I could ignore the things I am looking at. You know I need to consume my time with school. I have things to do. You know? I am a very busy person. I am. -.- You know things used to be so easy. Why can’t l go back to easy?

Because-Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, if they be events, illnesses or relationships, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere.

Well when you put like that. Sigh. I’m annoyed and I’m not really sure why. My chest hurts. It might be heartburn I ate Chinese. Anyway, I like the whole comparing happiness to a cat, because I have two cats and they only come when you don’t want them to. Except for those, when pigs fly moments. Going back to what I was saying I have tons of things to do. And its not like I am behind in school. I have plenty of time, I am just doing things slowly. I mean I think its faster than how I did things last semester. How is it possible to have enough things to do and then not have enough things to do? I mean forget time. Time isn’t really a factor in this problem like it use to be. This post doesn’t really make since does it?

On another note I am currently working on making a video response to littleradge’s video on youtube entitled Talk to your past. The point of his video is, if you could travel back 10yrs what 10 things would you tell your self. In my case I would be 9, and in…third grade I believe. So yeah, thats a video I’m working on right now. Then I will start working on my video for KimCateKat which is the collaboration videos Cate and Kat and I have started on our own channels. Instead of making a completely different channel that is. I haven’t really thought about my 9yr old self. I mean, my mind is too busy thinking of the more recent past than the 10 years ago past. *My chest hurts still. *I don’t think its heartburn*

So on to the narcissistic part of this entry. I was taking pictures of…myself. Because I usually did that for my myspace. Sorry I’m a camera whore. Its a habit. Even though I no longer have a myspace, there is always facebook pictures. ^_^ Anyway, I took pictures I noticed wow I really don’t have an upper lip. >_< I mean I’ve always known that, but these particular pictures actually pointed it out to me. I mean it makes me laugh. I don’t have an upper lip. How strange is that? I mean its like when someone asks, hey are my eyebrows even? And even after you answer them no not at all , you can’t help but keep staring at their eyebrows because then they suddenly appear out of place. Maybe that one is just me. Well anyway the point is if they weren’t so self-conscience about the evenness of their eyebrows then I would never notice the oddness of eyebrows in general. lol Wow I should really go to sleep. >_< I mean I have now just pointed out the fact that I have no upper lip. sigh. I should sleep. Goodnight and sorry for this bizarre blog entry. It won’t happen again. This is the product due to my procrastination issue.

The mind is for seeing, the heart is for hearing. -Proverb

Don’t get hung up on a snag in the stream, my dear. Snags alone are not so dangerous—it’s the debris that clings to them that makes the trouble. Pull yourself loose and go on. – Anne Shannon Monroe

PART ONE: I don’t miss him, I miss who I thought he was. *You might want to skip all of part one its just me thinking.* … continue reading this entry.

Today was weird.

I was able to concentrate in History class today. Even though he is in there. That means it is getting easier for me. I was offered a ride home by different people.

My ex’s dad. Yeah like I am gonna want to drive home with my ex boyfriend who avoids me like the plague. I started walking home by this time because my sweet mom was taking forever. But I do live close so its ok. My second cousin? Ethan offered. It was creepy because a car drove on the side of the road, but then I saw that it was him. He is so nice. I said no because I was almost home anyway.lol I wish I had a car. >_<

I don’t get hit on a lot, but now that it is ok to look at other guys I still feel like I’m not supposed to. I forget that I am now single and its ok to look. It will take me awhile but I think I will get the hang of flirting and dating again. lol Aren’t they cute? They have sour candy in them. I totally want one. But I went to Hastings to buy books for school. I could only find two that I needed. Four more to go, I think I can find them at the school store and hopefully at a cheaper price. My days are getting normal again, I’m not exactly my normal happy self but hey I’m a negative person to begin with. I must think positive. You know I still find the oddest things remind me of him. It sucks. Because I can’t forget them. Yeah I know better to love and lost than to have never love at all. Is that how the saying goes? I heard another saying somewhere, how does it go? “Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew.” Yeah. I mean if I remember all the sweet times we had together, he does too right? I mean he was never great at speaking his mind and expressing himself. But he could always say I love you. And I thats something I don’t want to forget. No matter how sad and hard it is.

The me that is doing good is always around. Compare to the me that is reminiscing.