Inside Kimmy's Mind

So as I mentioned before. My best friend Missy has tied the knot. She is now officially someone’s wife. The lucky someone is named Derek. I didn’t get a chance to actually get to know him. But from what I’ve seen, he seems like a wonderful guy. Him and Missy fit so well together, and it’s nice to be in their company. They are the sort of couple that can immediately turn tears into laughter. Yup that is possible.

Speaking of couple friends. You know when you sometimes get annoyed by your love sick friends because all they seem to talk about is their significant other? And you feel like because you are single they should respect your tiny melodramatic feelings. That they should keep their romance levels to a minimum. Well for me I don’t really get annoyed. I feel happy when I can witness my friends face light up when they talk about their someone special. I mean if I spend time with them as a couple then of course I’d feel a tinge of enviousness. (is that the right form of envy to use?) But if it were the other way around? I would want my friend to listen to my giddy cloud nine moments as well. I mean isn’t that what friends are for? So you can gab about not only your troubles but your success as well? Most people hate being the third wheel. I mean who wouldn’t? Your friends are too busy being in love to notice you. Of course you also have to think about your friends side of things. She/he has to juggle not only their friends and family but their significant other as well. And that is not always an easy thing to do. Anyway for me, I wouldn’t want my friend to feel like they need to tone down their lovey-dovey ness in order to not shatter my feelings. I mean just because I am single right now doesn’t mean I will be single forever. It only means I am single at the moment. And why put my friends that are happily coupled in a horrible mood. I mean would you actually be able to tell your friend, “Hey stop talking about your boyfriend/girlfriend. I’m sick of hearing about them.” I guess it just depends on the couple. Because there are some couples that really just go over board. And then there are the couples that you wish would show some form of affection just so you know that they are happy.Anyway, my point is that Missy and her husband are the right kind of couple.

They moved into their new apartment this Friday. And I already feel the difference of her not being here. I mean Missy and I weren’t glue to the hip or anything. We each had our own things. But that didn’t mean I didn’t see her as my best friend. I mean she is my therapist, my wife, the cream cheese to my bagel (Maybe it was the other way around) I think you get the picture. She is my best friend. I haven’t really made tons of friends since starting college; I actually feel like I’ve lost more since starting. I mean just because she moved away doesn’t mean we have stopped being friends and I am full aware of that. I mean we have the trusty internet here to keep in contact. Email, msn, skype. (When she gets internet) And of course there is text and calls. But I always saw Missy as my must meet face to face friend. Like msn wasn’t good enough. I’d have to see her in person in order to discuss whatever pathetic problem I needed her to analyze. I truly value her company. Not once did we ever have a fight. And I thats what I love about her the most. That we respected each other and we can always see the other’s point of view. Plus we can voice our opinnion with out the other jumping to conclusions. It was extraordinary. Because most girls get offended pretty easily. But not us. Anyway, I miss her and hope moving went smoothly.

I finally watched (500) Days of Summer. I liked it. It was cute and sad. But most of all cute. I’m not giving away any spoilers for this movie because it already tells you in the trailer that its not a love story. Just a basic boy meets girl story. That doesn’t necessarily mean they will fall in love. Just saying. I love the actors in this movie my favorite scene is when Joseph Gordon-Levitt dances. So cute. It makes you wish you could find a Tom in real life.

Song: You make my dreams- Hall & Oates

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“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.”- Anais Nin

After watching the mini series Lost in Austen. I just had to watch Pride and Prejudice. First the 1995 version which took awhile( it’s five hours long plus extras-I have the three disc edition) then the 2005 remake. I have decided that I like them both. Of course Colin Firth is a much better Darcy I think. But for some reason I find him more attractive older than when he was younger. Just like David Bowie-hotter with age. >_< Moving on, while watching these movies it made me think of the differences between the men in the 1800’s and the men in the present. Dating without a chaperon was out of the question and displays of affection were simply frowned upon. I’m sure even hand holding was scandalous. The men of of the 1800’s aren’t really better than the men of our time, because of course back then women were merely objects. Put on this earth to make a man look good, and to carry on his name. Pfffft! I cannot and will not agree with that. At least today, the male sex realize that there are women out there that are smarter and stronger than they are. They might not want to admit it but, in the corner of their minds they are fully aware of this fact. Even though we do things the past might find horrific, the past is not without its own shocking ways. Not only were women objects, but women were sold as wives at the young age of 15. Maybe even younger depending on the parents. Ok so in our time girls younger than that are having babies. -_-;

I find Jane Austen’s time romantic, of course that might just be her novels. I shouldn’t confuse reality with fiction correct? Although it may have its charms, I wouldn’t leave my own time to live a life there. Not even in my dreams. I am way too spoiled with my life the way it is. However, it would be nice to be wooed and courted and doted upon with sweet words by a man that is mature and knows exactly what to say. Sigh. That would be nice. Instead in 2009 we have men who shout at us from afar and then mock our appearance as a way of flirting.

How romantic indeed.

The past few weeks or so….

• I volunteered last week for my college at a golf course. And I was attacked by heat and mosquitoes. Ouch. I spent time with Cate so that was awesome and I meet several other people that go to my school. I just don’t ever want to volunteer outside ever again. -_-

• I also saw RENT the musical for the second time. Except this time I was able to watch it with Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal. ORIGINAL ROGER AND MARK!!! I have video of Anthony Rapp giving me his autograph, and I will try to make a vlog as soon as I can.

• I got to see my Korean brother Hyun the other day. It was good to see him of course he was mean to me as usual, but what brother doesn’t pick on his sisters? Well he left for Korea early Sunday morning so we only got to see him on Thursday. He looks older but at the same time he still looks the same. lol I find it so strange how long we have known each other. I met him my freshman year of high school. Hyun along with Haruka (Japanese exchange student) became apart of my family. I don’t get to talk to Haruka often but I’m so glad that he still visits and talks to me. Awww memories.

On a serious note: I wanted to mention this one time and one time only. Because pretending like it didn’t happen isn’t working. My ex called me about a week ago. He wanted to discuss “us”. Now its been about 5 months since we have been an “us” and I haven’t even talked to him, but for some reason when I heard my cell ring I had a feeling it was him. Now thanks to the invention of cell phones I haven’t memorized a phone number in like forever, so after we broke up I deleted his number so I wouldn’t try to call him. I guess subconsciously I recognized the number or something and I answered it. Sigh. He told me that he loved me and that he wanted to get back together. To make things short, he said everything I wanted to hear the night of our break up 5 months ago. (weird coincidence- He broke up with me January 6th, and called me again May 6th) Anyway, of course I still have feelings for him, he meant a lot to me. But at the same time I am a bitter bitch. And I kept thinking why now out of all the times he could have talked to me. What made today special? We had a class together he could have talked to me then. So we talked. I told him that I am still the same person I was when he dumped me. That for what ever reason he broke up with me before could happen again and that would he even be willing to put us through that again? He told me no that he finally knows what he wants and that’s me. And that he wouldn’t make the same mistake twice. Of course his words were amazing and alluring. And I was on cloud nine once again. I finally got to hear what I wanted to hear 5 months ago. So I said hypothetically- If we were going to get back together we would have to take it slow. Just to make sure things still clicked. We couldn’t just act like nothing happened.  He said he would agree to anything. No matter how bitter, or bitchy I was he didn’t care. As long as we could work on becoming “us” again. However, I’m not allowed to see him/date him. So I had to say good bye to him once again. My parents never really like him much before so having him in my life again wasn’t even an option. Saying good bye is not an easy thing to do. Whether its a good bye see you soon, or a good bye for now, or a good bye forever? It is difficult. Dylan is a very important person to me, but I thought perusing a relationship with him again would have caused more heart ache than happiness. My family would never have accepted him, and he would have been really unhappy with me. Although I felt annoyed that he reopened almost healed wounds, it was good to talk to him again. My friend Missy said its good because now we have no harsh feelings so that part is true. We talked like we were never apart so I think one day I will be able to talk to him again but as friends only. Wow depressing. Ok This will be  last time I’m talking about this.

• I’m at my sisters apartment for two weeks. I don’t start classes again until June 8th. And I’m so looking forward to that. >_< Bleh.

“So many faces in and out of my life; some will last, some will be just now and then. Life is a series of hellos and good byes, I’m afraid it’s time for goodbye again.”

First off I’d like to say thanks to Mija for my new blog layout! THANK YOU MIJA!!!!

Ok. Well I went to see Coraline( it was absolutely adorable, Neil Gaiman is a mastermind!) with my Valentine, and sisters. Missy thanks for spending Valentine’s Day with me. You know most single people see Valentine’s day as S.A.D. (Single Awareness Day) Now its not like I haven’t been single before, its just I haven’t been single in over a year. Now this time last year I spent my time looking for the perfect card for my significant other. But this year? I went all out. lol Which is funny because I went all out for my friend and not for my boyfriend (when I had one). hehehe I was like hey just because I don’t have a boyfriend that doesn’t mean I can’t celebrate Valentine’s Day. Ok so its a day for lovers to announce once again just how much they care for each other. But I see it as a day for people, single or taken to let anyone they love know just that. My friend Missy had totally surprised me with chocolates and a love bug plushie along with a pink rose. I felt so special. So I made her a love jar (which contained a few reasons why I love her, not all but a few) and chocolate covered strawberries.(which were good) I hope you enjoyed them Missy.

I am tired. I haven’t been sleeping right at all. I know I am the only one who can solve this problem. Tuesday I have a math test and I’m not quite sure which part of my research essay is due this week. Damnit. (My leg hurts >_<) I love the show United States of Tara. It is so cute. You should definitely watch it. Oh and I watched the show Doll House as well. Its made by the same creators as Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel. The first episode was pretty good so I’m gonna keep watching it, unless it gets stupid. But so far so good. Cate I can’t get over how adorable your new video was. It was amazing! Speaking of videos, I am so annoyed with Youtube right now. They keep muting my videos. So far in the past couple of months they have pointed out two of my videos that were in violation with the music. Ok and today I had to delete a video that I made over a year ago. How am I supposed to get a famous bands permission to use their songs? I mean come on really? Cyber stalking is annoying and so junior high. I also wanted to talk about this article. It says that a 12 year old boy from London impregnated his 14 year old girlfriend. Are you serious? What 14 year old girl dates a 12 year old boy? I mean really? Ok they haven’t taken a paternity test to prove that the now 13 yr, boy is in fact the father. I mean wow. Does a 12 year old boy even know how to impregnate a girl? I mean isn’t he still going through puberty? I doubt that he is the father. Another article says, that the girl had slept with two other guys so I’m guessing either one of those dumb asses are likely the father of this naive girls newborn baby girl. I think its just weird for a 13 year old boy to have a baby. I mean when a 15 yr old girl has a baby its mostly because their stupid “older” boyfriend can’t either: A. Date someone his own age. B. Keep it in his pants. C. Is way too lazy to purchase a condom and use said condom. I mean really? I know young teens are stupid and impressionable but parents really need to explain to their dumb underage daughters and their horny overage sons (and vice versa) the seriousness of having sex. I mean I don’t want to sound like an after school special, but come on parents of the world. TALK TO YOUR DUMB KIDS. I find it strange that an older girl slept with a 12 year old boy. So I am assuming it was her doing that initiated the sexual relationship with this kid named Alfie. Of course I’m not saying she deserves all the blame. I find them along with their parents at fault for allowing their children to spend the night together. That’s right, they allowed Alfie to spend the night at his girlfriend’s house, where I’m guessing the fornicating took place. How sad. sigh.

I read this short story called Criminal Act by Harry Harrison. Where people are only allowed to have two children if you were to have a any more than that then you would have to die so your child could live. The main character of this story however fights back. They hire an assassin to kill the “offender” and if he fails then he takes the place as the one less mouth to feed. Of course (sorry if I ruin it) in the end the main character kills the assassin and thinks everything will be fine. He can live with his wife and three kids. His wife is pregnant with twins. And thats how it ends. Creepy right? Another short story called Problems with Creativeness by Thomas M. Disch. In this story, only smart people are allowed to have children. If you were not considered smart then you were not allowed to reproduce. The water supply had a contraceptive in it so thats how they stopped people from reproducing. These two stories were written in the 50’s and 60’s. Interesting reads.

They are called Condoms! You know, in case you haven’t heard of them.

Tale as old as time
True as it can be
Barely even friends
Then somebody bends
Unexpectedly

Mom surprised me with this Beauty and the Beast ornament. Of course I’m not hanging it on the tree. It goes with all the rest of my Belle merchandise. I’m obsessed with Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. I mean I just love the story. I love when mom buys me stuff like this. This ornament is so adorable. Its a music box as well as an ornament. Belle and her Beast (which I always wondered what his name actually was. I named him Charles lol) spin around to their song. Tale as Old as Time. It just makes me smile every time I look at it, I love my mommy.

So some more good news. I finally got that book I ordered online. Starcrossed. It took a month for it to be delivered. How ridiculous is that? Extremely ridiculous. Tsk. But I got it now so lets move on.

Next, I should start studying for exams and finishing my last essay for English. But I am so lazy! I keep putting things off. I find other things to do. For example I should be sleeping right now but I was up so now I am in charge of waking up Mija. But I have a feeling once I click publish for this blog I’m going to go straight to sleep. *Sorry Mija*>_< I have been reading books like nobody’s business. I have finished Club Dead in one day. From the Sookie Stackhouse Novels by Charlaine Harris. True Blood is based on these books. I only have the first three, so I’m reading the 4th one online which I can of hate doing. I want the next two books now. I am so bad when it comes to reading books. Sometimes when I start reading a book to hold me off until I get the book I really really want to read. Once I get the book I really really want I sort of stop reading the filler book. I get carried away when it comes to books.

I have found Dylan the perfect Christmas present. I am so proud of myself. He always gives me wonderful presents, and I always thought I did ok with my gifts to him. But this with out do, anything I have ever given him. I’m excited to give it to him, of course I suck at keeping things a surprise. So wish me luck at keeping it a secret. Mums the word and what not. :p

 Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
Bitter sweet and strange
Finding you can change
Learning you were wrong

“So long as I’m no trouble to anyone, I have the right to do as I like.” – Cecil Vyse

I just recently watched a brand new adaptation of E.M. Foster’s A Room with a View. And I am currently watching the 1985 version starring Helena Bonham Carter, as Lucy Honeychurch. (I love names from the 1900’s) Is it me or does she always have interesting hair styles? I love watching movies like these, it makes me want to read the novels thinking they would be much more exciting. Don’t get me wrong, movies are wonderful I do love the 1985 version much more than the newer version. The most interesting character in my opinion is Eleanor Lavish. She was a novelist who wrote down the passionate kiss between Mr. Emerson and Lucy in her novel. (Thanks to stupid Charlotte who told her). Now during this time gossip was their entertainment. Like we have television, they have gossip. Now of course in the 21st century, we have our share of entertaining gossip and drama. But in the 2oth century it was much more widespread.

It another part I’d like to point out from the movie, which made me laugh was when Cecil kissed Lucy for the first time after they were engaged, and she was expecting something more knee weakening then what was given. lol Don’t we all expect our own George Emerson’s to sweep us off our feet with passion and lust that leads to a romance we hope was caused by fate. No? Helpless romantics eat crap like this up. Sadly I am one of them. A trait no doubt handed to me due to the fact that I am a girl or so I am told. And I am in no way saying men can’t be romantics in their own way. No sexist beings here, I might add.

“Now thats a conversation starter, come and have a bathe?”

OK I know this is some what childish to believe in such things; but today’s and tomorrows tarot card seemed accurate. (in a oh my bob sort of way) Again I know I really shouldn’t take these seriously, but I just found it amusing. Friday is my anniversary again,11 Months with Dylan. So thats why Friday’s tarot made me smile.

August 21st, Thursday’s Tarot card: The Devil represents wild behavior and reckless abandon. This is a card synonymous with temptation and addiction. At its worst, this card embodies evil, but at its best represents ambition, impulsiveness and pure devotion. You should be acutely aware of the destructive influences in your life and gather the strength to overcome them.

August 22nd, Friday’s Tarot card: The Lovers represent a powerful union and the harmony of opposites. It represents the combining of two elements to create an even greater entity. This card often represents the formation of a new relationship or the strengthening of a current one. Love can come your way at anytime. There are difficult decisions to be made and conflict may arise when temptation and desire overcome morals and ethics.