Inside Kimmy's Mind

In art, our assignment is to recreate a Greek myth in our own way. I immediately thought about Persephone.

Part one: Art and Myths

Ever since I read about it in the 9th grade I’ve never forgotten it. Persephone, daughter of Demeter(Goddess of Harvest), was abducted by Hades because of her beauty.He dragged her to hell to be his queen which angered and devastated Demeter. The earth became dead, and so Zeus demanded Hades to return Persephone to her mother, but it was already too late Hades had given her a number of pomegranate seeds. This traps Persephone in the underworld. During the fall and winter Persephone remains with Hades as the Queen of The Underworld. During spring and summer she returns to her mother. This was said to be the reasons of the seasons. I don’t know why why I liked this myth it was just the first one to pop into my mind when we were given this assignment. But after watching the new episode of Bones I’ve found a new myth that I might like to work on. Its Plato’s theory on soul mates. According to him, humans were actually beings with four legs, four arms and a head with two faces. “Zeus felt threatened by their power and split them in two, condemning them to spend their lives searching for the other half to complete them.”After this project our next one is to paint our favorite book. This one will be a tough one for me, since I love so many different books.Today’s song is a cover by The Bird and The Bee-Into Something Good

I’ll try to update more during this month. I haven’t been updating as much as I usually do and its time to put a stop to that. I hope my sister Mija is having a wonderful time in New Orleans. Be safe.

Now I know Valentines is the day couples celebrate their relationship and express their love for one another. A horrible time for those of us without a significant other. WRONG! Not this year. Gala Darling

It is completely and 100% OK that I am not in a romantic relationship at this time. I’m not a typical girl so even if I was in a relationship, simple from the heart gestures are whats best. A home made card for instance, is just one of the best gifts. That or a notebook of some sort, because I can never have too many journals.  Anyway, here are bits of the assignments Gala assigned. I only put some of the questions on here the rest are in my bible. But you know what is driving me crazy? The fact that whenever I tweet about Radical self love using the hashtag #radicalselflove I do NOT show up in the #radicalselflove tweet page. Its rather frustrating. I’m not sure why my account isn’t working and the twitter people aren’t exactly helping me with the problem. >_< I wish they would just fix it. Be calm. And just let it go Kim. :3 On to some of the questions.

RADICAL SELF-LOVE Q’S

What does RADICAL SELF LOVE mean to you? I think that its an opportunity for me to see myself differently. Not just be so consumed with worrying about the negative side of things. I have tons of things to be positive about, and I should focus on those things more often. I spend too much time focusing on the things that I dislike about myself. RADICAL SELF-LOVE is just a positive project that I look forward to doing, even after the month is over.

Which qualities or attributes would you like to bring into your own life via the application of RADICAL SELF LOVE? I want to be more positive. I want to wake up and feel like I can do anything and everything. I’m not saying I don’t have anything to look forward to, because I do. I just want to be able to wake up and not pin point all my faults. I want to be able to look on the brighter side of things after something terrible happens. Angry out bursts don’t exactly solve my problems so why not just see the silver lining? I want to be able to do that. I am incredibly lucky, I love being me on the inside and I have great friends and a terrific family. I just want to be able to keep that in mind.

What beliefs do you currently hold that are stifling your regular expression of RADICAL SELF LOVE? Self doubt. I doubt myself way too much.  Which leads to the next question.

Are the people & activities in your life HELPING or HINDERING you in your quest for RADICAL SELF LOVE? Would you be better off without them? The only person hindering me from RADICAL SELF LOVE  is myself. I am surrounded by people that are just so caring and supportive. When someone compliments me I really have no idea what to say. I mean of course I say thank you. But if they keep on complimenting I feel like I need to express my opinion. Which is exactly the opposite of what they are telling me. It’s that I want to just keep hearing their kind words as if I were fishing for compliments. I just don’t see myself as they do.

Which brings me to the essay question. Wow this question transitions into the next one as well.

Essay Question: Why do you treat your best friend better than you treat yourself? I can see all the things my BF can’t see about herself. She is truly one of the most beautiful and amazing people I have ever met. I think its sort of like wearing a blind fold when it comes to ourselves. We can’t see the things that make us great, but when it comes to others the blind fold slips and we can see perfectly. We find, what our friends see as flaws as just something else to love about them. If only we could see ourselves in the same light.

In what ways can you behave more like you’re your own best friend? I would never be able to be as amazing and selfless as she is. But the best way for me to be more like her is to be more understanding and less judgmental. She never judges me. She accepts me and loves me for who I am as a person. And she sees me the same way I see her. A wonderful person.  I’m so glad that I have her as a best friend she makes my day brighter.

Everyone has their issues with themselves, whether is appearance or personality wise.

The point is that instead of focusing on what makes us unique and amazing we spend our time wishing we could change what we dislike about ourselves. Well I am no different. I complain and put myself down all the time. But I should look at what I like about myself some times. Because I am happy being me, I just need to…work on a few things.

GalaDarling has declared this Radical Self-Love month. And I will attempt in following through with the project as well. I’ve already completed the first two assignments, one was to find a note book of some sort to jot down ideas and future assignments. And I’ve found a totem to remind me of this project throughout my day. It was supposed to be something I see often, so I’ve chosen the phone strap given to me by my friend Cate. Its in the shape of a heart and I stare at it all the time so it seemed fitting. I also have this necklace that I wear all the time to replace one that I no longer wear. So this one will also be a reminder of the project since I wear it all the time.

Mantra: I will attempt to see myself in a brighter light. There is no reason to hate myself because I contain flaws. I will not focus on my flaws for the rest of the month and hope it carries on even after this project ends. So may the self-love project commence.

So yeah this probably what I will put on the first page of of my note book.

My main totem.

I finally got my new cell last Monday and I love it. An added plus, I didn’t have to change my number. thank bob because I finally memorized it. This is sad because I’ve already had this number for 2 years. >_<

I am so so so happy that I finally have my new cell. I can now have nice ring tones and have a phone strap on it and get a pretty case for it. Which I found one by the way, it makes me smile when I see it. And ebay sellers annoy the hell out of me. -_- sigh. I’m an Ebay junkie.  Anyway, so I made my 4th vlog on Vimeo. Its tricky for me to upload my vlogs on this site because I don’t have a plus account so my videos don’t get uploaded fast. This is the only con for Vimeo on the Youtube vs. Vimeo list. Other than that is awesome.

Classes started again on Monday and so far so good. I’m excited for Painting II this semester, my class is Painting I and II combined this semester. Our first project is called the Schizo/Object/Self/Thing/Picture.

Lightly sketch in an under drawing (of a picture or object) then divide it into as many quadrants as you choose. The quadrants can be irregular, geometric or any shape you choose. Each quadrant should deal with color mixing, variations of brush strokes.

I’m thinking of sketching all the electronics I can’t live without. Laptop, Cell, camera, ipod, DS ect. My teacher said that each quadrants should be a different you or some how apart of you. A you, you wish you were. I already have an idea how I want mine to look. But that doesn’t mean that it will work out. Here’s hoping. >_< I think math will be ok, I hope. (stupid math) Gov. will be ok, and I’m hoping my online Psychology class goes well. (I must keep up with the assignments.)

I cannot believe that a whole week went by and I didn’t update. Damn. But in my defense I have like 3 drafts of entries that I started but never finished. I’m planning on saving those topics for some other time. :3 Ok off to slumber land I go. Speaking sleeping, the night I had a dream that I got an ugly ass tattoo. I’m afraid of needles therefore I wouldn’t never be able to get one IRL. It was weird. So I went to google to see what some sites had to say about tattoos in dreams. A few I found….

1. Tattoo: Tattoos may represent those things in our lives that seem only “skin deep” but may be interesting and fun. They could represent our thinking, our playful ways, and our seemingly unimportant habits. As time progresses, we may realize that our passing fads have become permanent. Thus, a tattoo may be symbolic of something that we inflict on ourselves, is permanent if not deep, and generally carries with it some negativity.
2. Tattoo – If you dream you are the one being tattooed you will become the target for a stranger’s jealousy. (0.O)
3. Tattoo: To dream that you have tattoos, represents individuality and the desire to stand out in a crowd. You want to unique and different from everybody else, particularly if you do not have any tattoos in real life. Consider also what the tattoo is. Alternatively, to dream that you have a tattoo, suggests that a waking situation is having a much longer lasting effect that you had expected.

Well that’s interesting. -_-  Ok now I’m off to slumber land.  Good night/morning.

I had my first torn decision between my tumblr blog and my main blog.

I didn’t think I would have to choose between them because I have always known which blog I would use to update depending on the event. I would update my tumblr with small tidbits and my main blog with the larger events that can make me go on forever. So I had a little dilemma, which I’m sure to you might not seem like that much of a dilemma. But I am insane so naturally this makes sense to me. But because I felt this way, I solved my own dilemma without really doing anything but updating my blog. Well as you can see I chose my main blog. Meaning this involved something more than a quick description and a photo.

Mija bought me a NDS game to call my very own. Until now I have been playing whatever games Kat had. Which reminds me I missed a BrainAge today. Damn And I was doing so well too. I was keeping up with it and because I got so distracted by my new toy I forgot about it. -_- My new game is a classic. Are you familiar with Bust-A-Move? AKA Puzzle Bobble. Well the one I played growing up was Bust-A-Move ‘99 on Nintendo 64.

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It was crazy. This was the first time I was up for Black Friday sales. We went to Walmart because of mom’s discount. And because Walmart has better prices.

Day One 11-27-09 : So we bought a mixer, a printer, and mom got us each a DS lite. I really wanted the green one. But hell I was happy. Plus the green one wasn’t on sale like the others because it was a bundle pack. And I can just buy a green case. I think I only have like two more weeks of classes. Then I’m done for the semester. I’m so ready for that.

Day Two-12-6-09:Right now I’m watching SyFy’s Alice. I love watching these types of movies. Plus hello Alice in Wonderland is one of those stories that you can never get tired of. Its been told over and over in many different ways but with similarities. I’m liking Alice so far. Can’t wait to watch it Monday night. Today is Hyun’s birthday! He is 21. So a happy birthday to the little booger.

Day Three-12-7-09: Typed out that first bit the other day. Now it is Monday. Just finished watching Alice. It was so good. I loved it. Hatter and Alice ended up together. Oops sorry gave away the ending didn’t I? My bad.

Spaced out.

Day Four-12-8-09: It is now 5:24 a.m. I kept getting distracted from finishing this entry. -_- First it was Alice then washing clothes followed by showering and then lastly what took me forever to finish…straightening my hair. It has gotten so long that it takes longer to straighten. I want to cut it short. Just above my shoulders short. I’ve had it that short before but that’s when I didn’t have bangs. I think having it short with bangs would look odd on me. Oh and how unfair is the weather right now. It is now just icky and rainy outside. So unfair. Damn I’m not going to be able to publish this entry quite yet. I’m not done. But I have to get some sleep before its light out. >_<; My poor corrupted sleeping pattern.

Remembering John Lennon.  Not many people in my generation like classic rock. So there are a number of people that have no idea who The Fab Four were/still are. I have often heard people referring to The Beatles as, “old people music.” But they will never get old for me or my sisters. Twenty-nine yrs ago today John Lennon was murdered. He was taken away for no reason at all. John was such an amazing musician. And although I didn’t know him personally many generations know him through his music. He will always be remembered.

John Lennon-Imagine

[audio:http://numb.honey-vanity.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/JohnLenon-Imagine.mp3]

Day Five- 12-9-09: It is 12:52 am. Holy crap. Look how long it is taking me to write out this blog entry. I kept adding to this post but instead of publishing it I just kept saving it until I finished it. Why do things keep getting in the way? lol Ok well I need to be strong this weekend and study big time for my math, web design and government finals next week. And after Wednesday next week I will be officially done for the semester. I cannot wait for January. I get my new cell phone. Gaaaaaaaaah I’m such a tech brat. Thankfully my NDS has done its job well and has kept me distracted. However, it is also a distraction from the things I need to finish. And that is not good. Like prepping for finals. -_- I hate the week of finals because it sometimes feels like there is never enough time. And I lack sleep. I really need the Christmas break to rejuvenate. (I know a 20 yr old has no right to say that) I finally learned how to make my Vimeo videos into wmv format using Adobe Premiere. Yay! I already uploaded a video this week but I didn’t know what I know now (that sounds confusing) so I must wait until next week to upload another video. But I think I’ll wait until finals are over. Good thinking right?:P

Good night/morning world.

Woo hoo! I have already posted 100 entries on my blog. This will be the 101 entry. I can’t believe I have that many entires. But for some reason it feels like I should have more. -_-

So Thanksgiving is this week. I am so ready for pumpkin pie. :9 Pumpkin pie makes me think of my friend Andrea. She was in my cce class during senior year. And one Wednesday we talked about craving pumpkin pie and popcorn. >_< Odd combination now that I think about it. If I remember correctly it was after any holiday that would require a pumpkin pie present. We were just reminiscing  aww but I miss her. After I deleted my myspace, I lost track with her.

Wow I just got my Future me email today. I think its funny because I remember typing it out and how I felt during that time. It was in April so it wasn’t too long ago. But still I have already changed so much since then.

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My cell finally kicked the can. Actually there was no kicking involved, just the loud yelling of profanity.

It happened so fast. My whole world flashed before my eyes as the screen went blank. Ok I’m being over dramatic here but I can’t believe my cell is dead. I feel so awkward without it. And to top it all off right before it broke I had just gotten a text message from my crush but I wasn’t able to reply to it. How unfair is that? I mean it just had to break at that particular moment. Is this karma? Am I being punished for wanted a new cell phone? T-T Which I can’t get until January. I can’t wait month to get a new cell. … continue reading this entry.

So I went to Oni-con this past weekend. And got to see the Jrock band Born, and the solo artist Satsuki. Their performances were the only ones I was awake for. The two other opening acts were really unnecessary.

Which sucks because Tomo from echostream is adorable and an excellent guitarist. He should be in a band with other hot talented Japanese men. Not weird Americans minus the female singer. I think she is Japanese. Anyway, I didn’t like their songs at all. So I sat to the side of the mob of people and slept. Yes slept. How does one sleep during a concert? Well since you asked. For me it was quite easy. … continue reading this entry.

For as long as I can remember I have never really taken a risk. I mean I have always been the weird kid that never ran with scissors. But if you think about it why would you run with scissors? I mean children are dumb, but would they really be running with scissors in their hands? I mean I guess it happens in kindergarten. But most children don’t really use scissors on a daily basis. They start using scissors  with the lesson on cutting along straight lines but if you really think about it…

Kimberly Focus! Back to the point,  as I got older I grew more afraid of actually living. I wouldn’t do anything that could end up with me in the emergency room. Like reckless sports. :p But I also didn’t participate in sports because I am horrible at them. I mean I have no hand eye coordination and playing softball with the boys P.E. class in the sixth grade was extremely humiliating. Especially when your junior high crush sees you as nothing more than a threat to him winning  a stupid P.E. game of softball. Its softball! And P.E. class! Not a national tournament. When it was my turn up to bat I heard him say, “Please hit the ball. Just this once hit it.” Yeah that crush didn’t last long. It was that important to him, of course I could care less and didn’t hit one ball. I guess I could have made the effort but I just didn’t feel the need to. Of course batting was much better than being in the field where you had to wear a glove. Only there wasn’t enough gloves for each team to have their own; so we would switch by leaving the gloves on the ground and you would just pick one up. And wouldn’t you know the one I just happened to pick up was for a left handed person. That didn’t do me any good seeing as I am right handed. And I was yelled at for just standing and not grabbing the correct glove. Wow what was my point again. Damn I hate when I get off subject.

Back to the main issue here. After watching the recent episode of Being Erica  it made me think of taking risks. Not huge risks but the semi ones. I mean I feel like I have always just made the safe choices. With certain situations I felt like the wet blanket that ruins the fun for everyone else. Which is why I have no social life.  I mean I’m not saying I haven’t made dumb choices. I have regrets like every other person out there. I just feel like on the not so serious decisions , I just made the safe choice so I wouldn’t have to experience yet another embarrassing moment. You know the non life threating decisions? Like getting the courage to ask someone out, or speaking up in class when I am lost? Situations like these that aren’t really earth shattering. But in all situations I make the safe choice. Thats just how I am programed. I think of nothing but the negative side of things. That isn’t exactly the  best way to view things.  I am working on it.  I mean when something embarrassing happens why can’t I just laugh at it? Its not the end of the world. I turn a shade of red and then it passes. No harm no foul right? Of course some humiliating moments stay with you long after they have passed and you try and try to forget it. But alas, to no avail. You are stuck with that moment in time where you would love to have crawled under the nearest rock and stay there permanently. But again it passes until you are to suffer yet another embarrassing moment. A vicious cycle that is known to repeat until you have trained yourself to be immune to embarrassment. Fat chance of that ever happening to me. -_-

Movies: I saw Where the Wild things are the other day. I thought it was cute. Some parts where a bit odd. But I still thought it was cute. The ending sort of bugs me but there really isn’t anything I can do about the ending of a movie. But if you are into the whole cute family movie  where the child learns an important lesson in a dream? Then you should see this movie. Plus I thought they did a good job on making the wild things look real.  I’m not sure how many stars I would give this movie. I guess four?

I have jury duty on Monday. I cannot miss anymore days of Government after Monday. I need to stop being lazy this is serious stuff man. See the choices I make? Tsk. I am such a lazy student. >_<