Inside Kimmy's Mind

Ok. So I am finally enrolled at UH. Transferring is so complicated. -.- But I’m finally enrolled and now I just have to get a loan and then pay for classes and buy my text books.

The other day Kat and I got our new glasses.  Then mom took us to Hastings where I found the movie book of Mirror Mask for three bucks. Mirror Mask is one of my favorite movies. Its made by my favorite people, Neil Gaiman and Dave McKean. I absolutely adore them. So I was happy to find this book for 3 bucks when it originally cost like 16 bucks.  Mom also bought me these recycled paper journals from Target. I love getting new journals. I mostly update my blog now but I’ll write in a handwritten journal now and then. And for me you can never have enough journals. When I went to Borders I saw this journal. I love Paperchase its a UK brand so I can’t order this journal online. -.- Hopefully Borders will still have it. Anyway, Kat got this book called Shiver by Maggie Stiefvater. I read it in a day and half, I couldn’t put it down. What I loved most about this book  was that its written in both the main girl’s and guy’s pov. I liked Sam’s pov better because his thoughts were more interesting. Its romantic and exciting, its the type of book where you can’t turn the page fast enough, and when its over you are left with this achy feeling.  I cannot wait to read the sequel. -.- I usually always have a book to read. But I don’t have one. So I’m borrowing one of Kat’s yet again. She didn’t want me reading Shiver before her because when we read books we usually tell each other about the book we are reading. But she wanted to read this one herself. >.< I do the same with movies, I want to tell others the ending before the movie has even started.

So Cate came over last Saturday, and we played Just Dance on Wii. And that game is indeed a work out. My arms were so sore after playing. -.- I am sooooooooo out of shape. But I had so much fun with Kat and Cate. Then after dancing we ate dinner and sat and played Smash Bros and then took some pictures until my cam battery died. I should have charged it. Cate is so adorable. And I have so much fun when I am with her. I don’t really hang out with friends often I’m such a lazy person.

Ok so Kat and I went to the Orthodontist the other day. They took some pictures and x rays, then they made molds of our teeth which I thought I was going to choke when they were doing the top teeth. Next week we have another meeting before they can actually put braces on us. >.< I hate all this waiting, I just want to get it over and done with. Man people born with perfect teeth have it so easy. -.- But I just keep saying to myself that I will have perfect teeth too after what 2 years? I can do this. Right? >.<  Oh yeah I totally forgot I painted my second Munny last week. I love kid-robot.  This time I think I did a much better job on it. I used my cell case and ipod for inspiration. And I like it a lot, I think its so cute and it has more personality then the first one I painted. I should have sent this one to Hyun, but I couldn’t resist painting another one. >.<

So last Friday my sister and I took care of our neighbors 5 yr old for a few hours. His name is Kyle and he is really adorable. However the time I spent watching him has not changed my mind about children. And I still find them annoying and can’t see myself having any. Unless you can guarantee that they will come out as well behaved children.

Kyle started off shy and quiet then progressed to talking a mile a min. He then showed off his pet turtle and explained how his older brother Nick was really mean to him. I then reassured him and said that is just how older siblings are. And before I knew it, Kyle was no longer shy and quickly became hyper. Watching Kyle wasn’t difficult, it was just really exhausting. I kept wondering if he was a little girl would it have been easier? I imagined she would have wanted to play dress up and tea party or give me make over. Of course I’m sure picking out a dvd for her to watch would have kept her quiet and happy. With little boys however, they have no attention span. They have to be doing something and get bored so easily. I have no problem playing games and pretending to get hit by pretend bullets and Kat and I played dead on cue yet he had no mercy and thought it was necessary to hit us with his taped up plastic gun. What is it with little boys and hitting? Do they not understand that if you hit someone with a toy gun it does hurt?  -.- After killing us he picked a dvd to watch, which I thought would keep him distracted for awhile. I was wrong. He was quickly distracted by his toys and kept taking out different toy cars to show us and expected us to admire them. We oohed and awed to keep him happy but then that wasn’t enough. So he thought jumping on my back was fun, it wasn’t like he weighed a ton. But I’d really rather not have a monkey child jumping on my back. I played it off and would swing back and forth to make him laugh then i started tickling him. He started laughing uncontrollably and then said that if I continued to tickle him he would start crying. -.- I told him that if he did that again I would tickle again. He stopped. Another thing he did to pass the time was taking items that weren’t his, such as Kat’s cell phone, glasses and her right sock. He would run off with it and we would run after him, I think the trick is to appear uninterested and he will return it. But we didn’t want to risk the chances of him hiding Kat’s things. He locked himself in his parents room for a few seconds and finally I threatened to call his mom. We went back to his room to catch the ending of the movie. I had hope the movie would have done a better job at entertaining him. But it didn’t. After the movie was over he took out racing tracks for his cars, and set them up in the living room. I was up first. I pushed the little green button that would push my car, and he won. Children love winning. Why is that? I mean I know winning is a nice feeling. But why does that matter at such a young age? He continued to win.

I continued to seem disappointed at my lost yet happy for his wins. All of a sudden his boxer Jeda (not sure on spelling) thought my lap looked comfortable and laid on top of me. What is it with large dogs thinking they are small lap dogs? I’m not a fan of large dogs nor small yippy yappy ones either but Jeda was a sweetie. So I let her lay on me while Kat started racing Kyle. Kat would win a race. Kyle would ask to trade cars. She would say no however Kyle took that as a yes and would do it anyway. With children you usually just let them get away with things because they don’t know any better. Kat didn’t like that Kyle thought it was ok to cheat. I told Kat don’t worry about it. Its just a game. And this just left Kat annoyed with Kyle. That made me laugh. They continued racing and Kat would go and get a new car. If she won he would switch their cars. I was up again and this time he put other cars and an alien figure on my track to prevent my car from winning. Clever little booger no? Finally Kyle got bored and we started another movie. He went to get milk and I told Kat to help him. He then turned and went back to his room, Kat asked him what was wrong and he answered with,”You’re gonna bring  it to me.” I just started laughing. 5 years old and already used to women waiting on him. Of course he is a child so he has a good excuse. What excuses do grown men use?  Kat just got more annoyed. But brought him the milk like I asked. She told him not to spill it. He said of course. Kat and I were so ready to go home. I don’t know how women can take care of children. But the women that raise little boys, are heroes in my book. I wish you good luck on raising a little boy Missy. But I have faith in you, because you are gonna make an amazing mother.

Today’s song is Woman by Wolfmother. I love playing this song on guitar hero.[audio:http://numb.honey-vanity.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/woman2.mp3]

Since I have been admitted to UofH my family and I went on a campus tour on Saturday. The campus is huge, I just know I am gonna get lost.

I am gonna have to get a bus pass. But I have a feeling I am either gonna be late for class, or I might take the wrong bus and end up on the other side of Houston. I really hope that doesn’t happen. I don’t wanna be lost somewhere. But other than worrying about getting lost and being late for class. I am excited still. Of course I am gonna miss my home. But I have to move on. Growing up is normal and I’m already behind on the growing up part of life. I need to start learning how to take care of myself. Once I get settled in my home away from home, I need to find a job which should be easy since there are soooo many stores on campus. UofH has their own ice cream parlor, nail salon, bowling alley and a Chili’s too. So getting a job on campus might be easy. If not Mija lives near a Barnes & Noble so I can apply for a job there. And I will have my license before I move so I will be able to prove I am 20. YES! I can’t wait for that. I want to start class there, I want to start the next part of my life and attempt to make new friends. Of course I am horrible at making friends. Speaking of friends, my best friend Missy is…PREGNANT! And I couldn’t be happier. She has been my best friend since the 9th grade, my first friend to get married and now my first friend to be pregnant. :3 She is going to be a great mom.  I still can’t believe it. I couldn’t believe it when she was getting married but now she is expecting her first child. And I’m so glad that we are still close. She is really the only friend I still talk to from high school. We didn’t move away right after graduation so maybe that has something to do with it, but I think even if we did we still would have talked. Cause we can go without talking and then meet up and its like we were never apart. She lives 12 hrs away from me yet when she comes to visit she still makes time to come visit me. Plus we have the notebook that we mail each other back and forth. I love writing in that notebook. Because even though we can email and txt each other, its just something I enjoy doing. Plus I love mailing things.

Gosh things are changing. Time just keeps speeding up. Why is it like that now? Anyway, so now I have to sign up for a meeting with a counselor at UofH and then talk about how much my tuition will be, which classes I’ll be taking and at what time. I still have the summer semester at BC to pass math. Stupid math. I HATE YOU! -.- I hope I pass it this time.  Why must it cause me so much heartache? After that I might take a class during the summer two semester it just depends. If not I will end up moving a lot sooner. When we went to visit the campus we stopped by my soon to be home to feed Tomo my sister’s cat. She is spending the weekend with her boyfriend at a lake house. Poor Tomo all alone, I bet he left presents for her to clean up when she gets back home. Its a sign that he missed her. lol And she just happened to leave his litter box in my soon to be room. Thanks Mija. -.- My room better not smell when I get there. Cause I am not sharing a room with Tomo.

I found these bottle charms at Hobby Lobby. I’ve been looking for these since someone put them on Cut out + Keep. I bought the potion shape bottle charms though. They also had the regular jar and test tube bottles there as well. I wasn’t sure what to put in the bottle since it was so tiny. But I decided to write a quote on a slip of paper with a panda on it. Its for motivation. I’m gonna need all the motivation I can get once I start my math class. They come in a pack of two so I gave the second one to Kat and she just wanted a flower in it. I have some tiny purple flowers that I bought to make hair clips. So I just used that. Hey Missy which bottle shape would you prefer. Oh and what would you put in yours? I plan to buy you one the next time I go to Hobby Lobby.

Today’s song is a cover of Dream a little Dream. Sung by the Glee Cast. I love this show. And this song.[audio:http://numb.honey-vanity.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/DreamALittleDreamGleeCastVersio.mp3]

5-18-10: I’m not really sure what to blog about. May is almost over and I haven’t updated at all this entire month. I also haven’t vlogged in awhile as well. I’ve just been so lazy. Its raining and I just want to continue laying in bed. I only have two more weeks until I start summer semester. I just have one class, math. -_- It just won’t go away!

Today

Its official. I have been accepted at UH. So I will moving into my sister’s apartment in August maybe even July. The first thing I will take to my sister’s will probably be my art bin. Since I don’t have an art class anymore I can take all  my art supplies to her place. I might not have much time for art if I don’t take an art class but I can always try making time to paint on my own time. Hopefully. I’m not bringing my full size bed with me, (T-T) because it has a huge headboard that will just be extremely annoying to move. Besides clothes and a few things I hold dear such as books and my sewing machine. Thats pretty much everything I’ll be bringing with me. I don’t want to take too many things I don’t need, plus I want my room to still feel like my room. Am I ready to leave the nest? I feel ready, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I am ready.  I can’t live with my parents forever, and I’m already 20 yrs old I feel like I should have left a while back. Oh I’m also gonna be signed up for drivers ed. -.- I’m excited to get my license, yet another thing I should have done a long time ago. A real long time ago. sigh. So I’ll get my license before moving, but driving in Houston will be a challenge. I’m scared. But I just have to get used to it, like Mija did. But she moved out at 17 and started driving at 18. I’ll either take the bus or have Mija drop me off if she can. She says she would let me use her car sometimes when I’m comfortable driving. >.<

Tomorrow dad is having a craw fish boil. I can’t wait I love craw fish. Of course it will take 3 hours to cook. So I plan to wake up right when they are done so I can just eat. No I’m kidding I’m probably get up to film the process. Maybe. It will make an interesting vlog.

Today’s song is by Meaghan Smith called Heartbroken. I love her style.

[audio:http://numb.honey-vanity.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/Heartbroken-MeaghanSmith1.mp3]

I feel like I am stuck. Yet time just keeps moving on. It’s going by incredibly too fast for me to even catch up.Why has time changed?

Movie Spoilers

I watched the movie Veronika Decides to Die, (**based on the novel by Paul Coelho)and it made me think of happiness and sorrow and then death. The character Veronika is played by Sarah Michelle Gellar and she is unhappy with her life. So she tries to commit suicide. She wakes up in a mental institution, and is told that she has weakened her heart and that there is no surgery or treatment that can save her. They aren’t able to pinpoint her death exactly, but its likely that it she has only a matter of weeks. She is immediately angered by the fact that she has succeeded in killing herself only she must wait to actually die. She questions the shrinks, asking them why not just kill her now? They will have no part in aiding in her death. She remains stubborn throughout her stay at the institute. Determined to die on her own terms. She fails at bringing her life to an earlier grave. She as no will to live. Yet she has no interest in making the best of the time she has left.

If I was told I would die in a matter of weeks, what would I feel? What would I do? Would I give up? I see myself as a weak person at times. And part of me thinks I would just wallow in self pity imagining all the things I have yet to accomplish or fail at. Imagining instead of actually doing those things. Death is a scary thought to me. I know death is inevitable for us all. But its more dying too soon that I worry about. Dying before I have actually had a chance to live. I’ve already been alive for 20 years. That’s two decades of being on this planet and I have yet to experience life.

“These days most people have replaced almost all their emotions with fear, and everyone has dreams but only a few realize them – makes cowards of the rest of us.”-Coelho

Gellar’s character lost the will to live, as so many of us do. But she finds it. Along with romance. I think when you are in love, you feel like you matter. I mean of course you matter to your friends and family. But the romantic love you’ll share with one other person is completely different. And once she found this feeling, she doesn’t want to let it go. A line from the movie trailer,” It wasn’t until she decided to die, that Veronika found a reason to live.” To actually live life to its fullest. Of course after she finally finds that one thing that made her want to continue living which turned out to be a person, the fact that she only has limited time to spend with her new found happiness makes you sad yet happy she even found it to begin with. (I ruin movie endings so stop reading if you don’t want to know the ending.)

But this movie ends on a happy note. It ends with the doctor writing in his journal explaining that if Veronika never visits another doctor, who would tell her that she is completely healthy. She would continue living her life and cherishing each moment she has. I think everyone should live their life like that though. And not because time is running out. But because its how life should be enjoyed. Not waiting in fear for the inevitable.

** Paul Coelho vlogs and blogs. How freaking amazing is that? I love it when I find an author whose work inspires me. I love books. And I actually liked this film adaption of the novel, but I haven’t read the novel yet so I might think differently once I do read it.

Song for today- Amy Kuney: Simple Things

[audio:http://numb.honey-vanity.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/SimpleThings-AmyKuney.mp3]

One last thing the collaboration art blog that I’m starting with my sisters is up. Mija made the layout I absolutely love it. We haven’t updated with anything yet. But I’m so excited to start this project with my sisters. Ok well I think its time I go to sleep.

Goodnight/Morning

TUESDAY!

I got to spend the entire day with Missy. She went with me to the student show, and then we went out to eat with my mom. She is so wonderful. Then Missy, Kat and I went to watch Kick-Ass. Such a good movie, Hit Girl was so freaking awesome. She should have been the main role because she made the movie amazing. Anyway, so hanging out with Missy was wonderful as always.

On Thursday my art class went to an art museum. I wasn’t allowed to take any pictures and I didn’t even take any outside or anything. Man I’m lazy. Oh and Missy met up with my class at the museum with her parents. I was so happy I thought I wasn’t going to see her because I made plans with my sister to pick me up after the museum. She had to go back to work so I went with her and then afterward she took me to Aka. It was sooooooo delicious. We ate California roll and black peppered beef cut sashimi style. And then we ate gyoza but I totally forgot to take a picture of that. And then we ordered a plate of teriyaki beef.  The portions were small but the perfect size. We also ordered a bowl of white rice which was perfect because if its your first time trying raw beef you want to eat it with rice so it can act as a shield when its in your mouth. Does that make sense? But it also compliments the beef. I can’t get over how good it was. I love sushi. After sushi we went back to her apartment and I fell asleep. Then she so kindly woke me up, even though I was extremely tired, to go over Jody’s house to play Left 4 Dead 2. Then they showed me Little Big Planet. So fucking cute. I am totally going to make my own little sack person. I just need to find the right fabric.

Bulletproof by La Roux (I find her oddly attractive)

And the next song is from a Little Big Planet level. My Patch by Jim Noir (Such a cute song) 

[audio:http://numb.honey-vanity.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/MyPatch-Onesongfavs.mp3]

 

So I got my R4 for my DS last week. And I am addicted. I haven’t even finished playing a game yet, I think I’m just high on downloading apps for it.

I downloaded the ipod clone for it and it worked fine last week, but now it doesn’t. I must have deleted a file on the R4 that I needed. Not exactly sure what happened, but I will figure it out..eventually. I mean its frustrating when it doesn’t work but as long as the games work I am happy. I just need to organize it. -.- God I am such a nerd, playing with my DS instead of hanging out with friends. Speaking of friends, Missy is home! I get to see her on Monday. I’ve missed her so much and I am in desperate need for some Missy time. Hear that Missy? Tell everyone else to back the fuck off. jk But no seriously. -.-

So the other day Mija brought her boyfriend home to meet our parents. I was only awake for the dinner portion. After eating I went up stairs and fell asleep playing DS. I vaguely remember Mija coming into my room and talking/messing with me. I think I answered back not really sure. I do remember her telling me that dad was playing medal of honor with Jody. God that is funny. This is the first time my sister has brought home a serious boyfriend, so it was different. But we joked and laughed with him so in my opinion things went well. And I think my parents liked him, I mean I like the guy ok. He owns a ps3 now which earns him some definite like points. So yeah I slept the entire day away the other day from 3:30 to 2:30 am. (oh sorry for not saying good bye Mija) Not good. But I’ve been up since then so I’m sure I will go to sleep early tonight. Probably. -.-  Yeah who am I kidding, I’ll be up late as usual. Awww damn I have a math test tomorrow. Sucks. Need to do those 1o point flash cards. I should do them now since I am up. Right. Anyway, I also need to start on my next painting project. I think this is the last one for the semester. Makes me sad. I must paint some form of literature. Meaning a song, poem, book. What to do? I’ve already painted a song so its between the other two. I have no idea what to paint. sigh.

So Mija wants to start a collab art blog with Kat and myself. Basically it will be a place where we post the things we create (nothing about our personal lives.) Mija with her graphics, Kat with things she bakes, me? I make a bunch of different things paintings and stuff I sew. So yeah I’m looking forward to starting this. Oh yeah, Mija showed me Dr. Horrible’s sing along blog. I love Neil Patrick Harris, he is so adorable so is Felicia Day. And after watching that, I watched The Guild. I don’t even play role playing games like WOW and I still find this web series funny.

In art, our assignment is to recreate a Greek myth in our own way. I immediately thought about Persephone.

Part one: Art and Myths

Ever since I read about it in the 9th grade I’ve never forgotten it. Persephone, daughter of Demeter(Goddess of Harvest), was abducted by Hades because of her beauty.He dragged her to hell to be his queen which angered and devastated Demeter. The earth became dead, and so Zeus demanded Hades to return Persephone to her mother, but it was already too late Hades had given her a number of pomegranate seeds. This traps Persephone in the underworld. During the fall and winter Persephone remains with Hades as the Queen of The Underworld. During spring and summer she returns to her mother. This was said to be the reasons of the seasons. I don’t know why why I liked this myth it was just the first one to pop into my mind when we were given this assignment. But after watching the new episode of Bones I’ve found a new myth that I might like to work on. Its Plato’s theory on soul mates. According to him, humans were actually beings with four legs, four arms and a head with two faces. “Zeus felt threatened by their power and split them in two, condemning them to spend their lives searching for the other half to complete them.”After this project our next one is to paint our favorite book. This one will be a tough one for me, since I love so many different books.Today’s song is a cover by The Bird and The Bee-Into Something Good

I’ll try to update more during this month. I haven’t been updating as much as I usually do and its time to put a stop to that. I hope my sister Mija is having a wonderful time in New Orleans. Be safe.

Now I know Valentines is the day couples celebrate their relationship and express their love for one another. A horrible time for those of us without a significant other. WRONG! Not this year. Gala Darling

It is completely and 100% OK that I am not in a romantic relationship at this time. I’m not a typical girl so even if I was in a relationship, simple from the heart gestures are whats best. A home made card for instance, is just one of the best gifts. That or a notebook of some sort, because I can never have too many journals.  Anyway, here are bits of the assignments Gala assigned. I only put some of the questions on here the rest are in my bible. But you know what is driving me crazy? The fact that whenever I tweet about Radical self love using the hashtag #radicalselflove I do NOT show up in the #radicalselflove tweet page. Its rather frustrating. I’m not sure why my account isn’t working and the twitter people aren’t exactly helping me with the problem. >_< I wish they would just fix it. Be calm. And just let it go Kim. :3 On to some of the questions.

RADICAL SELF-LOVE Q’S

What does RADICAL SELF LOVE mean to you? I think that its an opportunity for me to see myself differently. Not just be so consumed with worrying about the negative side of things. I have tons of things to be positive about, and I should focus on those things more often. I spend too much time focusing on the things that I dislike about myself. RADICAL SELF-LOVE is just a positive project that I look forward to doing, even after the month is over.

Which qualities or attributes would you like to bring into your own life via the application of RADICAL SELF LOVE? I want to be more positive. I want to wake up and feel like I can do anything and everything. I’m not saying I don’t have anything to look forward to, because I do. I just want to be able to wake up and not pin point all my faults. I want to be able to look on the brighter side of things after something terrible happens. Angry out bursts don’t exactly solve my problems so why not just see the silver lining? I want to be able to do that. I am incredibly lucky, I love being me on the inside and I have great friends and a terrific family. I just want to be able to keep that in mind.

What beliefs do you currently hold that are stifling your regular expression of RADICAL SELF LOVE? Self doubt. I doubt myself way too much.  Which leads to the next question.

Are the people & activities in your life HELPING or HINDERING you in your quest for RADICAL SELF LOVE? Would you be better off without them? The only person hindering me from RADICAL SELF LOVE  is myself. I am surrounded by people that are just so caring and supportive. When someone compliments me I really have no idea what to say. I mean of course I say thank you. But if they keep on complimenting I feel like I need to express my opinion. Which is exactly the opposite of what they are telling me. It’s that I want to just keep hearing their kind words as if I were fishing for compliments. I just don’t see myself as they do.

Which brings me to the essay question. Wow this question transitions into the next one as well.

Essay Question: Why do you treat your best friend better than you treat yourself? I can see all the things my BF can’t see about herself. She is truly one of the most beautiful and amazing people I have ever met. I think its sort of like wearing a blind fold when it comes to ourselves. We can’t see the things that make us great, but when it comes to others the blind fold slips and we can see perfectly. We find, what our friends see as flaws as just something else to love about them. If only we could see ourselves in the same light.

In what ways can you behave more like you’re your own best friend? I would never be able to be as amazing and selfless as she is. But the best way for me to be more like her is to be more understanding and less judgmental. She never judges me. She accepts me and loves me for who I am as a person. And she sees me the same way I see her. A wonderful person.  I’m so glad that I have her as a best friend she makes my day brighter.

Everyone has their issues with themselves, whether is appearance or personality wise.

The point is that instead of focusing on what makes us unique and amazing we spend our time wishing we could change what we dislike about ourselves. Well I am no different. I complain and put myself down all the time. But I should look at what I like about myself some times. Because I am happy being me, I just need to…work on a few things.

GalaDarling has declared this Radical Self-Love month. And I will attempt in following through with the project as well. I’ve already completed the first two assignments, one was to find a note book of some sort to jot down ideas and future assignments. And I’ve found a totem to remind me of this project throughout my day. It was supposed to be something I see often, so I’ve chosen the phone strap given to me by my friend Cate. Its in the shape of a heart and I stare at it all the time so it seemed fitting. I also have this necklace that I wear all the time to replace one that I no longer wear. So this one will also be a reminder of the project since I wear it all the time.

Mantra: I will attempt to see myself in a brighter light. There is no reason to hate myself because I contain flaws. I will not focus on my flaws for the rest of the month and hope it carries on even after this project ends. So may the self-love project commence.

So yeah this probably what I will put on the first page of of my note book.

My main totem.