Inside Kimmy's Mind

Part One: After throwing a lot of stuff from my closet away I found my old CD/tape player. I got it for Christmas years ago, but I remember how excited I was when I did. Every time I bought a CD I would hurry to play it. After I got my ipod mini and a dock for it, I sadly put this in my closet and never thought of it again. Until now. It was sort of breaking before I got the dock but it was faithful in its youth. I didn’t have the heart to throw it away then an I still don’t have the heart to throw it away now. Its funny how things are important. And I mean if you look at the price of cd players now compared to how much they used to be. Its weird. Is that going to happen to mp3 players? I mean Apple keeps bringing out new and better ones but will their price go down that low when their time is up? Thats something to think about.

Part Two: Kat and I are currently spending spring break at my sister’s apartment. And she took us to Borders! I know its dangerous to take me to a book store especially when I still haven’t cracked Dooms Day. -_- I hope I won’t be doomed on Monday. Anyway I didn’t want to buy a book book so instead I bought Neil Gaiman’s graphic novel The Last Temptation. Have I mention that I love him? Anyway, Mija is the one who took it off the shelf when I immediately recognized it. However, I didn’t realize that Alice Cooper contributed to the story. Its based on his record release, The Last Temptation. I should have known it just screams Cooper. Of course I’m not really savvy on his music. The art work is exquisite its done by Michael Zulli if I’m not mistaken. And it is amazing. The showman’s appearance is based on the best showman, Alice Cooper himself. It resembles him from head to toe. I also finally bought the movie Mirror Mask, story also by Neil Gaiman. I really do love him. Well besides buying books and dvds and hearing that someone tried and failed at stealing a magazine I also hurt a complete strangers feelings. But on my behalf I didn’t mean to and I completely understand his current state. And I didn’t mean what I said to sound the way it came out. I am not going to repeat it here because I am trying to make myself feel better. I know I am a horrible person. Now typing is getting hard because my sister’s cat Tomo is in my lap being extremely adorable and I can no longer ignore him. lol

I have a problem.

And I guess the first step is admitting it. So here I am… admitting it. >_<

I am an online shopaholic. -_-

Now a normal shopaholic buys anything. I on the other hand buy things I need (want). I mostly buy books. I mean it could be a bigger problem? I could be buying useless things. The only problem with me being a book shopaholic is…that my to read list never gets smaller. It is a never ending list. Which isn’t really a bad thing, except for when I get a new book I immediately want to read it. Meaning I ignore whatever book I am already reading. I am currently reading Five books. Four by choice. The fifth one is for my SciFi class and I don’t like it. Dooms Day Book. I just can’t get into and its due in a couple of weeks. Sigh. How am I suppose to read a 578 page book, if I can’t even get past the front cover? (ok that’s a little over the top) But its sort of true. Besides that book, I need to read the short stories for that class as well. Sigh. I want to read what I want to read, not because I have to for a class. Bleh!

Its an interesting addiction no? Being addicted to buying books? lol I just got a book in the mail and I am already ready to buy another one. But I haven’t. So I do have some self control. Now only if I can keep up this control for awhile. I can’t even eat chocolate! T_T I gave it up for lent unintentionally. How? Well dad caught me off guard . Meaning I was half awake? Half asleep? And he conveniently asked me when he was driving me to class. I just said what came to mind- Chocolate? Sigh. Its my fault. Now I can’t eat anything with chocolate until Easter. Woe is me.

Oh if you have a web cam immediately go (here) and make an account and follow me Kimmyduh. You know you want to. I find sites, similar to this one very entertaining. It sort of reminds me of Twitterin away. But only a bit.Well I better sleep. Or I will sleep away tomorrow yet again. So sad.

“I’ve learned that good-byes will always hurt, pictures will never replace having been there, memories good and bad will bring tears, and words can never replace feelings.”

I had a bunch of stuff written. But my internet was being wonky and wouldn’t work causing me to lose the “Stuff” that was typed here before. So now I am extremely annoyed because I don’t quite remember how I worded things. Tsk. But I know I liked it. Sigh-_- So know that from this point on I am annoyed. Ok on with the annoyed post. … continue reading this entry.

“Creativity is not the finding of a thing, but the making something out of it after it is found.” – James Russell Lowell

Part one: All because of a quote, this is what happens when I stay up all hours of the night thinking and have little sleep. Oh my poor brain.

I have come to the conclusion that I have lost something. Its not a for sure feeling. Just an odd one. The something in question is:

Creativity.

How does one acquire creativity? I mean can it be learned/taught? Or is it something you either have or don’t have? Can it be found or lost? I seem to have lost track of mine. I love to paint, draw, write, make videos and sew. I love to create things. Things that are apart of me in some way or another. Except something is different about me. I mean I realize people change all the time its not earth shattering. I haven’t painted anything in a long time. I miss it. I know I can paint anytime I want to. I write anytime I want to. I can sew and make a video at any time. (Well not any time but you know what I mean) But just today I have realized that when I paint or draw something I need something to look at when I draw it. Meaning it doesn’t come out of my head but out someone else’s. I mean I know that is how you learn somethings by looking at it being done and then proceeding to imitate it. I DEMAND MY CREATIVITY BACK.

Who has taken it? I’m not sure, probably the other not so creative side of me. (What a bitch) How am I supposed to get it back or can I even retrieve it?

Part two: Ok sane again. Well for the most part.

I just watched a movie called Phoebe in Wonderland. It stars Elle Fanning, Dakota Fanning’s younger sister. She is a 9 year old girl with a vivid imagination who also has turrets and obsessive control disorder. Both her parents are writers and her mother has chosen Alice in Wonderland to be the inspiration for her dissertation. Phoebe(Elle) becomes obsessed with that world. I rather liked this movie. It made me want to draw my own version of Alice in Wonderland. I mean I know that the story was written by someone who must have been on a permanent high, but I think thats what made it such an enticing story. I mean come on who hasn’t wanted to escape reality to retreat to a world with no boundaries? Good movie you should watch it if you get the chance. Ok well I better get some sleep. tsk.

“Be what you would seem to be — or, if you’d like it put more simply — Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise.” -Alice in Wonderland

First off I’d like to say thanks to Mija for my new blog layout! THANK YOU MIJA!!!!

Ok. Well I went to see Coraline( it was absolutely adorable, Neil Gaiman is a mastermind!) with my Valentine, and sisters. Missy thanks for spending Valentine’s Day with me. You know most single people see Valentine’s day as S.A.D. (Single Awareness Day) Now its not like I haven’t been single before, its just I haven’t been single in over a year. Now this time last year I spent my time looking for the perfect card for my significant other. But this year? I went all out. lol Which is funny because I went all out for my friend and not for my boyfriend (when I had one). hehehe I was like hey just because I don’t have a boyfriend that doesn’t mean I can’t celebrate Valentine’s Day. Ok so its a day for lovers to announce once again just how much they care for each other. But I see it as a day for people, single or taken to let anyone they love know just that. My friend Missy had totally surprised me with chocolates and a love bug plushie along with a pink rose. I felt so special. So I made her a love jar (which contained a few reasons why I love her, not all but a few) and chocolate covered strawberries.(which were good) I hope you enjoyed them Missy.

I am tired. I haven’t been sleeping right at all. I know I am the only one who can solve this problem. Tuesday I have a math test and I’m not quite sure which part of my research essay is due this week. Damnit. (My leg hurts >_<) I love the show United States of Tara. It is so cute. You should definitely watch it. Oh and I watched the show Doll House as well. Its made by the same creators as Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel. The first episode was pretty good so I’m gonna keep watching it, unless it gets stupid. But so far so good. Cate I can’t get over how adorable your new video was. It was amazing! Speaking of videos, I am so annoyed with Youtube right now. They keep muting my videos. So far in the past couple of months they have pointed out two of my videos that were in violation with the music. Ok and today I had to delete a video that I made over a year ago. How am I supposed to get a famous bands permission to use their songs? I mean come on really? Cyber stalking is annoying and so junior high. I also wanted to talk about this article. It says that a 12 year old boy from London impregnated his 14 year old girlfriend. Are you serious? What 14 year old girl dates a 12 year old boy? I mean really? Ok they haven’t taken a paternity test to prove that the now 13 yr, boy is in fact the father. I mean wow. Does a 12 year old boy even know how to impregnate a girl? I mean isn’t he still going through puberty? I doubt that he is the father. Another article says, that the girl had slept with two other guys so I’m guessing either one of those dumb asses are likely the father of this naive girls newborn baby girl. I think its just weird for a 13 year old boy to have a baby. I mean when a 15 yr old girl has a baby its mostly because their stupid “older” boyfriend can’t either: A. Date someone his own age. B. Keep it in his pants. C. Is way too lazy to purchase a condom and use said condom. I mean really? I know young teens are stupid and impressionable but parents really need to explain to their dumb underage daughters and their horny overage sons (and vice versa) the seriousness of having sex. I mean I don’t want to sound like an after school special, but come on parents of the world. TALK TO YOUR DUMB KIDS. I find it strange that an older girl slept with a 12 year old boy. So I am assuming it was her doing that initiated the sexual relationship with this kid named Alfie. Of course I’m not saying she deserves all the blame. I find them along with their parents at fault for allowing their children to spend the night together. That’s right, they allowed Alfie to spend the night at his girlfriend’s house, where I’m guessing the fornicating took place. How sad. sigh.

I read this short story called Criminal Act by Harry Harrison. Where people are only allowed to have two children if you were to have a any more than that then you would have to die so your child could live. The main character of this story however fights back. They hire an assassin to kill the “offender” and if he fails then he takes the place as the one less mouth to feed. Of course (sorry if I ruin it) in the end the main character kills the assassin and thinks everything will be fine. He can live with his wife and three kids. His wife is pregnant with twins. And thats how it ends. Creepy right? Another short story called Problems with Creativeness by Thomas M. Disch. In this story, only smart people are allowed to have children. If you were not considered smart then you were not allowed to reproduce. The water supply had a contraceptive in it so thats how they stopped people from reproducing. These two stories were written in the 50’s and 60’s. Interesting reads.

They are called Condoms! You know, in case you haven’t heard of them.

I like reading horoscopes. Today’s reads-A surprise is coming your way this afternoon, and it’s going to push a few of your plans for the day way off track. This disruption isn’t necessarily a bad thing, though. It could be just the thing to mix up your life and infuse some exciting new energy into it! You need to learn to be less rigid about things anyway — and this is the first day of your lessons. If you can gain appreciation for the unknown and the unexpected, you will find more opportunities in life.

I need to get a job! I really hope I get the job at Library. Then I can set up a savings account which will come in handy when I move in with my sister. Sigh. Oh creepy thing happened the other day. Two girls came to the door and basically did what this article says. SO READ IT! Its creepy. (I just noticed I have a bruise on my knuckle. I know random side thought) Mom just gave Kat her laptop so now she has no excuse, she better update her blog more often and she better make her vlogs on time! Do you hear that Kat? I mean it!!!!! Anyway, my lappy is dying a slow and painful death. The battery is shot to hell. So until I have a job and save up money to buy a new laptop, (well first I would save up so I can help mom buy herself a laptop) I want to buy a new battery module until that fine day comes. sigh. My poor lappy.

Mija don’t be stressed ok? I miss you and hope to see you next weekend. Just keep thinking positive ok?

Virgo–They are generally reticent when faced with anything or anyone new. However, once they feel comfortable, they can talk up a storm. (How true is this about me? Very true. I try to warn people about that.) Virgo ascendant natives have a tendency to worry a lot, especially when confronted with new situations. They notice the tiniest details that others overlook.

“You get ideas from daydreaming. You get ideas from being bored. You get ideas all the time. The only difference between writers and other people is we notice when we’re doing it.”- Neil Gaiman

A very interesting thing happened today. Something that is even more rare then pigs flying and blue moons. Dun dun dun….my cats slept next to each other. *GASP* Tis an unusual sight. But then I missed it up when I went outside to get a better picture and Kozi got up and left Mr. alone with the leaves. Poor Mr.

After dad finished eating dinner he let Misto inside and held him and proceeded to tell us for the 100th time that it looks like Misto is wearing chaps. Lmao! Oh how silly. Well this weekend was completely uneventful. I did absolutely nothing on Saturday. Sunday I went to bed at 4:30 in the morning, and woke up at 6:30am to go to church with dad. I washed my clothes and then took a nap and didn’t wake up til like 4 something. I’m just messing around on the internet. Sigh wow boring blog. I need to finish reading NEVERWHERE by next week. But I’m also watching the television show that aired in 1996 on BBC Two. Neil Gaiman is so fucking awesome. I need to straighten my hair. I now hear Mr. fighting with another cat or something. I swear he makes the strangest noises. Oh you should look up songs by Melanie Horsnell. Her songs are used in a lot of commericals. My favorite one is this McDonald’s one. So cute. So yeah recap, I did nothing and now I am updating my blog with pictures of my cats and fast food commercials. How pathetic am I? Well this week on Wednesday I don’t have any classes. Hurray! So I can film my KimCateKat video. And put it up on the 6th. Hopefully. Well I’m going to straighten my hair and watch/read NEVERWHERE. YAY.

Life — and I don’t suppose I’m the first to make this comparison — is a disease: sexually transmitted, and invariably fatal.- Neil Gaiman (I thought this one was hilarious)

“Happiness is like a cat, If you try to coax it or call it, it will avoid you; it will never come. But if you pay no attention to it and go about your business, you’ll find it rubbing against your legs and jumping into your lap.”
– William Bennett

I’m not exactly blind, I just wish I could ignore the things I am looking at. You know I need to consume my time with school. I have things to do. You know? I am a very busy person. I am. -.- You know things used to be so easy. Why can’t l go back to easy?

Because-Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, if they be events, illnesses or relationships, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere.

Well when you put like that. Sigh. I’m annoyed and I’m not really sure why. My chest hurts. It might be heartburn I ate Chinese. Anyway, I like the whole comparing happiness to a cat, because I have two cats and they only come when you don’t want them to. Except for those, when pigs fly moments. Going back to what I was saying I have tons of things to do. And its not like I am behind in school. I have plenty of time, I am just doing things slowly. I mean I think its faster than how I did things last semester. How is it possible to have enough things to do and then not have enough things to do? I mean forget time. Time isn’t really a factor in this problem like it use to be. This post doesn’t really make since does it?

On another note I am currently working on making a video response to littleradge’s video on youtube entitled Talk to your past. The point of his video is, if you could travel back 10yrs what 10 things would you tell your self. In my case I would be 9, and in…third grade I believe. So yeah, thats a video I’m working on right now. Then I will start working on my video for KimCateKat which is the collaboration videos Cate and Kat and I have started on our own channels. Instead of making a completely different channel that is. I haven’t really thought about my 9yr old self. I mean, my mind is too busy thinking of the more recent past than the 10 years ago past. *My chest hurts still. *I don’t think its heartburn*

So on to the narcissistic part of this entry. I was taking pictures of…myself. Because I usually did that for my myspace. Sorry I’m a camera whore. Its a habit. Even though I no longer have a myspace, there is always facebook pictures. ^_^ Anyway, I took pictures I noticed wow I really don’t have an upper lip. >_< I mean I’ve always known that, but these particular pictures actually pointed it out to me. I mean it makes me laugh. I don’t have an upper lip. How strange is that? I mean its like when someone asks, hey are my eyebrows even? And even after you answer them no not at all , you can’t help but keep staring at their eyebrows because then they suddenly appear out of place. Maybe that one is just me. Well anyway the point is if they weren’t so self-conscience about the evenness of their eyebrows then I would never notice the oddness of eyebrows in general. lol Wow I should really go to sleep. >_< I mean I have now just pointed out the fact that I have no upper lip. sigh. I should sleep. Goodnight and sorry for this bizarre blog entry. It won’t happen again. This is the product due to my procrastination issue.

The mind is for seeing, the heart is for hearing. -Proverb

“Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.” William James

I had just my history class today. I didn’t really pay attention though. I was thinking about tons of different things. It was weird, I dreaded going to class today because of…him. But when I got into class, my mind just started thinking about other things. Mainly about things I want to do. And things I need/have to do. I already took care of my history quizzes for the week. But during history I took notes as usual, but when she started talking about things off the notes I started doodling like I normally do, yet it was different. I usually just doodle a star in the corner trying to get it exactly even on all five points. (They are never perfect.) But this time I went a little over board. I mean I took notes…I just sort of ignored all the other talking. Now I doodle names and what not, I was deeply inspired by Neil Gaiman. And as you can see. (Notice that his name is written extremely huge.) So yeah that was history class.

I planned on making a skirt today and painting something as well but I got distracted by the movie Nick and Norah’s infinite playlist. Oh and my mom bought the movie REPO! The Genetic Opera. I need to do so many things. I need to write the first page for my six page essay for tomorrow, I need to read my book. And I want to read about a million other books too. Oh and the other night I watched The United States of Tara. It is a really good show. I immediately loved it after the first few minutes of the first episode. I found a new show to take the spot of True Blood. Until the second season starts of course. YAY! I am sleepy. I wish I had more hours in the day to do things. I still need to straighten my hair right now and do the dishes. I’m hungry too. And my feet hurt. lol Bitch Bitch Bitch. Right? I need to stop wasting time and do the things I have to do. I should write a To do list. Here it is. Stuff I need to do followed by stuff I want to do.

1. Write the biography page on Charlaine Harris
2. Straighten my hair.
3. dishes.
4. read Birds of America
5. read Neverwhere
6. read three stories from my Oxford book
7. do the last two times of Quiz 18 even though I made a 90 on it .

1. read Sunshine
2. read Definitely Dead
3. read All together dead
4. paint lots of pictures thanks to Neil Gaiman and Dave Mckean
5. make a video
6. make I don’t know how many skirts

I know it may not seem like a lot of things, but it feels like it. Could you imagine if I had a job? Wow that would suck. I mean I have a lot of things to think about which I guess is good because it takes my mind of things that really suck. Tomorrow is the 22nd of the month. A day that I would normally forget but then remember. It is now a day in the month that I couldn’t forget. It “was” my anniversary. lol I know pathetic to bring it up. It would have been 16 months tomorrow. Gosh how annoying. It is now just a day in every month. Except for December 22nd, which is in fact my cats birthday. But other than that just day. Sigh well there was the lame part of the blog. An entry that began with random notions which lead to my bitching, followed by a little bit of feeling sorry for myself. Sigh Yeah happy reading.

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” – Catherine Ponder

(This quote really describes how I felt today. But it sucks because I have no control over it. I can’t get rid of this feeling. Sigh Fuck ass.) ~_~

“I lost some time once. It’s always in the last place you look for it.” – Neil Gaiman

This weekend kicked ass. There are exactly no words to describe how awesome this weekend was. So I guess I can only tell you exactly what happened. Ok. … continue reading this entry.